Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Second Crusade Challenge

     This was a fun challenge. Under 100 words, beginning with "The goldfish bowl teetered...." Enjoy.

Fish Dreams
95 words

The goldfish bowl teetered
right where they were playing
The dog chased the kitten
The table was swaying

A slide to the right
The bowl shifting quickly
Terrified fish face
so panicked and sickly.

Traumatized eyes
are aghast in surprise
Frantic fins flapping
against his demise.


DOWN to the carpet
The cascading flood,
His habitat plunges
below with a thud.


He flops to the left
He flops to the right
He’s gasping for air
but something’s not right

Reality’s fishy
It’s not what it seems
Such are the nightmares
of fish who have dreams.



38 comments:

Jen said...

I think this is the first poem I've read. Great job!

Sierra Gardner said...

This is great! And I think it's the first poem I've seen!

Trisha said...

Awww, fishy nightmares! I want to hug the lil fishy! :D

This was great!

Kari Marie said...

This is great. My favorite entry so far.

Jeanne said...

There are a lot of good ones...each one as different as the next. I am amazed at how the same 4 words can generate so many different moods, emotions and situations. Thanks, Kari.

Carol Riggs said...

That's so great! I love the twist at the end (whew, he's ok!!). You're the first who's written the flashfic in verse, too. :) I like the alliteration of "frantic fins flapping." Good job.

Liz Fichera said...

Oh, Bravo! Your poem is genius.

Nice to meet you, Jeanne!

L'Aussie said...

You are so clever. First poetic take I've seen on this challenge. I just arrived and followed. Better late than never crusader.

Reading about you I see we have some things in common - teacher with an interest in topics for boomers. I love Gap Year for Grown-ups and plan to write a travel memoir on a topic like that. Yours sounds like a hoot.

Denise<3

Bodaciousboomer said...

Cute, really cute Miss Jeanne.

Summer Ross said...

This was wonderfully done! great way to put it in a poem with a twist at the end even!

AllMyPosts said...

Nightmares of fish ?? Who have dreams??


Catchy words for sure!! Cool post!!


Thanks for dropping by my blog!!!

with warm regards
http://becomingprince.blogspot.com

Cally Jackson said...

Awwww, poor little fishy. Great poem, reads really well!

Amanda Milner said...

♥~LOVE IT!~♥
Seriously, awesome poem! And poor little fish!

Deniz Bevan said...

Aww, poor fish nightmares. This was a great entry!

Happily Cheesy said...

Debated going this route, but my last flash fiction piece was a poem...

Nicely done.

Ben Langhinrchs said...

Good job. I have been surprised there have not been other poems, but you do well in this. I like the ending. Didn't see that coming.

Jeanne said...

Thanks everybody. Writing in poetry is my first love but it does not always translate into sales....

Michelle Merrill said...

Oh, that's awesome! Great take on the flash fiction.

Vicki Tremper said...

Very creative and with a twist! Nicely done.

alberta ross said...

the whole was great - the ending fantastic - so good

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Brilliant ending! Loved the twist that threw every beautiful line before it on its head. Bravo!

Donea Lee said...

Ah, love it! The rhymes are spot on and it just flows. Great job with the prompt! :)

J.C. Martin said...

This is awesome! A fish's nightmare, in rhyme! Brilliant!

Jeanne said...

Thanks so much everyone.I had fun writing this one.

Tony Benson said...

Ha - I love the ending. It's nice to see a poem for this theme. Very well written.

Danette said...

This is a really cute poem! The ending is great!! Another fun challenge wasn't it?

J.L. Campbell said...

Well done. It made me smile to think about fish having dreams!

jenniferelliott14 said...

Nice job! Loved it. Very good poem. :)

The Golden Eagle said...

I love this poem! There have been so few entries in this format--and yours is awesome. :)

Jeanne said...

Thanks so much. I love writing poetry. I like revising and changing and working at it. A deadline is great for me to write poetry.

Susan Kane said...

Not everyone tackles a poem, and then does it so extremely well. Great twist at the end!
I am a retired teacher (elem. school), and am writing for the Boomer age. We have so much to say, too!
Loved your flash.

Deniz Bevan said...

Guess what! You've been shortlisted in the crusade challenge judging round!

Jeanne said...

Cool! That sounds good!

Deniz Bevan said...

One more bit of news - you're a finalist in the judging round!

Alison Miller said...

a) I love children's books - so I loved this piece!

b) I loved the ending!

Great job!

Adina West said...

Great poem! You well deserve being shortlisted and more with this entry.

LadyJai said...

This was totally awesome! So glad to see another poem! :D

Carrie said...

I love this! Fish dreams are very intriguing :)