Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Last Breath

Last Wishes


     OK, no one really wants to think about kicking the bucket. It seems, though, as if I have plenty of extra time on my hands these days to do nothing but think. I have two more weeks to hobble around in this cast so might as well do some future planning. I'm sure not getting any housework done.
     Whether I think about it or not, someday I am going to leave this material world and come back as a... Well, that part I have not figured out yet. How can they improve on the original model? So let me not waste time with things I can't control.
     I read an article recently about a feisty woman who died at age 105. She was an avid smoker all her life, a habit of at least a pack a day. Smoking seemed to be her major hobby, so her loving friends and family buried her with her favorite cigarettes in her hands, a cigarette flower wreath and a memorial ashtray. Not sure if this was intended to be a message to the non-smoking public, a kind of last "ha ha" from the deceased or if her friends felt that her way to heaven was paved with tars and nicotine. The whole situation made me think.
      I had better make my wishes known before some kind soul decides to bury me with something that will drive me crazy through all eternity. I think it's not enough to say what you would like to have buried with you, like pictures of your loved ones, etc, a special piece of jewelry. I would like to make it clear what three things should not be going with me. 
     1. The singing fish that I have on my counter, the one that sings "Give me back that Filet-o-Fish, Give me that fish!" Don't allow him to go with me.
     2. My little flush toilet keyring that actually makes a flushing noise. Please send that to my sister.
     3. And while you're at it, leave out the Energizer bunny. What if someone thinks I'd like that because of my never ending energy and wacky ways? He'd be walking back and forth clanging his cymbals. I'd have to grab his little bunny ears and tie them…Oh, wait, that’s right, I would be dead.

2 comments:

Michael Offutt said...

Nice bucket list.

Sharon said...

So funny, Jeanne. A flushing key ring. OMG!
On the serious side, I need to be buried with a book. Can't face eternity without reading material.