Monday, March 21, 2011

Aware of Pantophobia

      As you know, I have researched the tons of various phobias there are in the world. I think we can probably just list them all under "Pantophobia" which means Fear of Everything. It seems to fit quite well.

     In the last few years we have added one more territory to our United States of America. I call it the State of Paranoia, and it supercedes the reason and responsibility of the other 50 states.

     We are afraid of everything. Let me begin with health issues, which, in my humble opinion, tops the list. Take, for example,
keeping your body hydrated, a very important issue today. 

     Did cave men worry about this? How about when I grew up? Only hospital people used the word "hydrated." Now, being properly hydrated seems to be our purpose in our life journey.

     Warnings tell us not to drink sodas with sugar in them. They have enough sugar to choke a horse. Sugar is our enemy.

     Everyone switched to Diet Drinks. But don’t drink diet soft drinks cause they are not good for you either. They are your enemy.

     Decaffeinated beverages, including sodas became popular. Caffeine is bad. It is your enemy.

     We are told to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day, plain water, not cold. Not from the tap. It is your enemy.

     We all switched to bottled water. Everywhere you looked, people had a cell phone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.  Landfills were full to the brim with our water bottles. Now after sucking down hundreds of water bottles, we're told that bottled water is no good for you. The plastic leaches into the water and makes you die. Bottled water is your enemy. And have you seen the plastic bottles sitting out in the sun leaching all that poison into your water that is headed straight to your digestive tract?

     Now we should only drink filtered water. The more expensive it is, the better job it does. 

     Then we hear that city water is safer than bottled water and where does bottled water really come from?

     And by the way, never refill bottles with water and drink it again. Refilled bottles are your enemy.

     All this information for a kid who drank from the garden hose when she was thirsty.

     I can see all this paranoia having its effect on me. The other day, I reached around to the back of my neck to scratch an itch.  Liquid was oozing. I checked my finger. No blood. I dabbed it with a tissue. Nothing. I waited and touched it again. Oozing liquid, not blood. 

     Normally sane Jeanne imagines all kinds of things. Being that I have had a spinal fusion with a steel rod implanted in my back I have a scar that ends right at the spot where the oozing is occurring.

     “Oh my God. My spinal fluid is leaking out a hole. I’ve burst a leak. “ I ran to the bathroom to see the back of my neck in the mirror but the only mirror I found was about 2 inches by 2 inches, part of a make up kit.

     I am wondering how long I can last with my spinal fluid leaking out my neck. I run out to the kitchen, index finger over my scar to keep my fluids intact, to consult George.

     I was very careful not to scare him because he gets nervous about my various ailments. “George, can you look at the back of my neck and see what’s going on there?”

George peered at my neck. "It’s all red. It’s a mosquito bite. Don’t scratch it any more.”




Misha said...

Haha loved this post.

I love how everyone is carrying on about things that will kill us all when all of our parents survived on worse.

My reaction is something like: "SERIOUSLY?!"


Jeanne said...

I know. I am surrounded by Germ-O-Phobes. It's a wonder any of us are still living.

Sharon said...

Loved it. Poor skeeter!
Great story about our national insanity. Antibacterial hand wash - gift of the gods. Now - not safe to use. And heaven forbid a child gets dirty.

Lindsay N. Currie said...

Okay, this post made me laugh so hard. It's so true!!! I have three kids and honestly, my childhood was soooo different than theirs. I drank from a hose, I got hot, dirty and ran around like a lunatic all summer.

Jeanne said...

I miss the good old days.

Adina West said...

I won't tell you why filtered water is bad because you would probably die of thirst and I can't live with that on my conscience!

Love your hypochondria story. I have a very hypochondriacal sister, and your mosquito bite story made me laugh...