Sunday, February 27, 2011

Legend of the Wiener Hawk

The Legend of the Wiener Hawk

     Our family has a few legends that we staunchly subscribe to, namely, The Legend of the Potted Meat Product, The Legend of the Rubber Chicken, and most importantly, The Legend of the Wiener Hawk.
     George and I had moved to a little community in Tamarac, Florida. We liked the large yards, and family atmosphere. We were not aware of the hawk colony to our west. Oh, once in a while I would see a hawk spread its wings lazily and float effortlessly on the breeze. But that was about it.
     Then pernicious rumors started flying. Hawks were multiplying like rabbits. People feared for their pets, the little ones, of course. A hawk reportedly carried off a duckling and this caused acute hysteria, at least in my household.
     George warned me, “Be careful when you take Maggie out for her walk. The hawks could grab her and carry her off just like that!” He snapped his fingers with fury. His thunderous look told me what fate would befall any hawk that dared try to steal our precious dachshund, Maggie, from our yard.
     I refused to take this too seriously. I snickered.
     “Do you want me to practice throwing myself over her in case this Wiener Hawk comes by?”
     George gave me a disapproving look. “I’m telling you, she could be gone before you know it. You have to be prepared.”
     It worked. I started worrying. As I took Maggie out, I would cautiously look up in the air, ready to throw a blanket over her at first sighting of the Wiener Hawk. I knew he was in glide mode, searching for a juicy hot dog. I kept Maggie close and if she wanted to stay out longer, I reminded her that the Wiener Hawk was flying rampant and we had to run for shelter. Then I would pick her up and disappear to the safety of the house.
     The Legend of the Wiener Hawk, 11 years later, is still in force. Despite the fact that there are many circling hawks in south Florida, I know which one of them is the Wiener Hawk. He stalks us, ready to pry Maggie from our desperate fingers. He follows us, even when Maggie is not with us.
     We drive to Wal-Mart. I point to the circling Wiener Hawk. “There he is, George! I told you he was following us.”
     We go to Friday’s to get some lunch. As we exit the car, I point skyward. Once again, the Wiener Hawk.
     I think George is sorry he brought the whole thing up.
    “Jeanne, did you ever stop to think there are lots of hawks?”
     I am annoyed with such a silly question.. “Of course, I know there are other hawks. But this one is the Wiener Hawk. He follows us everywhere.”
     I predict that we will see him again on the way home and when we pull in the driveway, he will once again be circling over the neighborhood, looking for a wiener- schnitzel named Maggie.
     I have come up with an idea to help protect Maggie from the talons of the Wiener Hawk. I searched the nearby pet boutiques for a doggy disguise. A camouflage outfit! Great idea. Now I just have to get her to wear it...



Jody Worsham said...

I suggest a porquepine costume with extremely long quills. I could just see it all. Maybe you could put one of those red Traveler's Insurance umbrellas over Maggie to hide her from view. Funny read. The Medicare Mom.

Jeanne said...

I knew you would have just the right suggestion. An umbrella. The quills are a good idea also but a little difficult for me when putting it on her.Especially since she convinces us she needs to go out many times a day to commune with nature.

Joanne said...

Jeanne, That was pretty funny but also scary. We had a hawk that used to hone in on our Jack Russell.

Sharon said...

Funny, Jeanne. Great story. Perhaps you could dress Maggie as an eagle. Size matters in the sky.

Kari Marie said...

I worry about hawks too. This was a fun read.

Donea Lee said...

What a fun story! I hope you can get Maggie into her disguise ~ :) The worst my little wienie dog has to fear is an errant seagull or two...but, I think he can take 'em. New follower and fellow crusader here, just (finally) making the rounds. Happy Tuesday!

Angela Scott said...

Oh my gosh, that's good stuff! The title alone of your post realed me in. That is funny. Bravo. Funny lady.

I took a break from crusading to do some writing (weird, huh?) but now I'm back and boy am I glad I found you. I love me some humor!

Jeanne said...

Thanks for the nice comments. I love the crusading but I also have to keep up my writing. Going over to your space.