Sunday, June 26, 2011

Only in America -Random Acts of Bizarreness


     For years now, it seems that citizens of other countries find the behavior of American citizens to be somewhat amusing. As a bonafide American, I decided to research this fact. It is stunningly true. There is a lot of wacky stuff going on in the U.S. In many cases, we look like a bunch of buffoons. It's not just Congressman Weiner.

     What about the man experiencing difficulty breathing for years? He had been a smoker and it was predicted he might have cancer. The doctors suspected a tumor. A big surprise when they checked out his lungs more closely. A split pea had lodged in his lung and opened up and had grown a little plant. It was causing him to cough frequently.
    “God has quite a sense of humor!”  said his wife, Nancy Sveden.

     Most of the fools regularly appear in YouTube episodes and bigger fools, such as me, watch them. Now and again you can capture an amazing little tidbit that you wondered how you missed. I was looking through videos of wedding proposals in highly public places.  This particularly gut-wrenching episode was at some kind of professional basketball game. The action in the game was temporarily halted as a young suitor had his time in the big lights. Big lights, indeed. TV cameras and commentators covered the event.
     A young guy in a suit, heart on sleeve dropped to one knee. He held the hand of his intended.
     “Jodie, we have had a wonderful 2 years together. I love you and would like to ask you to be my wife.” He pulls out the traditional little black box.
     But something’s terribly wrong. His almost-betrothed is staring in shock. She backs away. 
     “No!” she wails as she runs back through the crowd. The camera follows her hasty exit from the floor, tears rolling down her face. 
     Back to the would-be groom. Not only has his relationship dissolved, it has done so on a televised screen seen in most homes of the free world.
     The commentators continue talking.
     Number 1: Well that’s it for him. Poor guy. What a letdown. Bet he’ll never feel like  a man again.
     Number 2: Well he put it out there. I am thinking sometimes it’s just a gamble to be so public.
     Number 1: I wouldn’t have done that and I’ve been married 30 years.
     Number 2: Oh, look, the mascot is cheering him up.

     The crestfallen dishrag of a man is led off the court by a giant duck who puts his wings around the poor guy to shield him from the limelight. 

     Speaking of weddings, I heard an interesting story on a YouTube video broadcast. It seems as though diapers are not only for the very young and the very old, brides are purchasing them. If they wear a wedding diaper all day, it is said, they do not have to worry about going to the bathroom and managing the train and all. They can just go in their diaper.
     Now, isn’t that a pleasant thought? A delicate young woman with a diaper on. A loaded diaper yet. Just when would the odor give her away? Perhaps a wedding thermos needs to be provided for each bride. (Reference to Wrinkles, Waistlines and Wet Pants
    Better yet, provide them for the Mother of the Bride.

      I watched an incredible video at a McDonalds where a woman in Ohio went crazy at a drive-through window when she was told that there were no chicken McNuggets served at 6:30 AM. She punched in the window and tried to push her way in, all her antics being caught on camera. What is in those McNuggets? Better get me some of them.
     Then how about the Jet Blue attendant who had a temper tantrum on board? When I was young, the stewardesses were young, trim and female. Their wide smiles could be featured on a toothpaste ad. Their hair was perfect, every strand in place, and their manners impeccable. 

     Fast forward to 2011. We now have men stewards. Some of the stewardesses are a lot older than they used to be. The wide smiles have tended to disappear; replaced with frown lines and stress wrinkles. They deal with passenger rage, annoyed consumers that remember the gratuitous airline meals, such as they were, and the excellent service. Well, this particular attendant, a young man, was hit in the head with a suitcase that a customer had stored overhead, despite his repeated warnings to ask him to take it down. Evidently the passenger made a nasty comment to the attendant with some bad words in it. The attendant went to the intercom, proceeded to publicly berate the passenger with more bad words, grabbed  a couple of beers and slid down the emergency chute in a fantastic super-hero departure departure.
     He has, of course, become somewhat of a folk hero among the masses. I wouldn’t be surprised if a song were dedicated to him, something along the lines of “Take This Job and Shove It!”


Anonymous said...

Maybe the chap that did the "United Breaks Guitars" song could work something up for him.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I found this quite amusing, though just coming back from your wonderful country I never expereienced anything like that.
Did you know there is a song called "Take This Job And Shove It" ? It rang a bell with me I have a recording of it, it's by an Irishman named Declan Nerney although there are many other versions I believe.

Jeanne said...

Yes, Yvonne, I have a copy of that song but not with the same singer you mentioned. It goes along very well with the young man who left the plane. Odd people make for good stories.

Bodacious Boomer said...

I'd read about the guy with a sprout in his lung. That's kinda scary.

But worse yet is the bride wearing a diaper. That's really scary. Unless she's 90 that is; then she gets a pass.