Sunday, June 15, 2014

Cruise Neophytes

If we had taken our kids with us on the cruise, they probably would have been embarrassed at our lack of class. We took turns being bumbling fools. Sometimes we bumbled at the same time.
Jeanne’s Turn: As we walk into the ship for the first time, a staff member came forward with a squirt bottle and squirted the back of my right hand. I was surprised, was not expecting that. She smiled so I guessed it was a good thing and no one else seemed offended. What could it mean? A wet welcome to the ocean? Or would it dry and glow in the dark, our entrance and exit means to the amazing bars? Inquiring minds wanted to know so I went to another staff member who also squirted me.
Me: What is this stuff? (I held my hand up to my nose to sniff.)
Staff member: It’s hand sanitizer. Washee, Washee! Happy, Happy!
Me: Oh, cool. I get it. Glad to hear they are fighting the germ war! I moseyed back to George, attempting to maintain my dignity.
The squirters were everywhere all over the boat!
Jeanne Bumbles again: I had (note past tense here) a little casino fund that I saved for the trip. I was ready to use it. I sat down at the slot machine. It would not take my card or my money. I tried 3 more slot machines. Nothing worked. Frustration! I talked to one of the crew.
Crew Member: None of the machines are on. We are not out of port yet.
I looked around. How did I miss the fact that there was no one else but me in the casino? Bumbling fool indeed. I moseyed back to George trying to maintain my dignity.
George was a Bumbling Fool:  I find that George was trying to clip something on to his belt. I was noticing this because I was waiting for him so we could go to dinner and I was HUNGRY! Finally I asked…
Me: What are you doing?
George: Clipping on my flashlight.
I looked and yes, indeedy, he was clipping on the little purple mini-flashlight I gave him a couple of years ago. I did not expect it to come on the cruise.
Me: Why do you need a flashlight?
George stared at me for a brief time. I think he was trying to come up with a reason why he was wearing a flashlight on a cruise.
George: In case the boat loses power.
Me: Oh…
Luckily, it did not.
Later that night I noticed something.
Me: George, you have a light flashing in your pants. Is that your flashlight or are you glad to see me?
George: Well, that is embarrassing.
Jeanne: It certainly gives a new meaning to “Hot Pants!”
Jeanne Gets Yet Another Turn:
We go to watch an awesome show, titled Burn The Floor which is a very fast paced Latin dance show. We were in awe of the dancing quality and the fact that the girls wore these unbelievable high heels and don’t fall down.
On the way out, my own two graceful legs got tangled up in my purse strap, and my cane and it took me 5 minutes to be able to move again.
George and Jeanne Perform as Bumbling Fools Together:
On one of the island tours, George and I were arguing about a defunct sugar mill that we saw.
Me: It is the same one we saw back there.
George: No, it isn’t.
Me: Let’s ask the driver. Then you’ll see.
Me: John, is this the same defunct sugar mill we saw back there? (We had to explain defunct, which I think he suspected might be a bad word.)
John: Oh, no. This is a different sugar mill.
Me: (I was not pleased with his answer.) Curses! John, I will give you 5 bucks if you will say it is the same one. (all passengers are enjoying this conversation)
George: I’ll give you 10. (laughter from the peanut gallery)
John: No, that would be dishonest and there is no good to be had by achieving something through dishonesty. (He made me feel like a guilty politician for Pete’s sake. I decided to drop the subject!)
Lest you think that I ran out of bumbling fool stories, let me say that my writing space gave out before my stories!
Bumbling Fool #1 and #2

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