Wednesday, August 24, 2011

What a Relief!

     Well, I have not been up to my usual blogging this week. A trip to the hospital interfered with my writing process. Abdominal pains once again convinced me that I must have appendicitis so off we went to the E.R. It turned out, several tests, many blood-lettings and one colonoscopy later that they determined that my colon, like the rest of me, is 61 years old. Yes, it is aging. I have a pre-condition to diverticulitis, which means I have to observe my diet. No more nightly popcorn, or seeds, or nuts. I know that some of you have not had the experience of a colonoscopy so I decided I would enlighten you, my reading audience, on my experiences, complete with authentic pictures.
First of all, the nurse, smiling, brought me
this lovely jar of "Golytely" and informed
me that I would be drinking all of it. It
tastes like nuclear seawater with nothing
at all pleasant about it. I managed to sip
it through the night. Some of it accidentally
fell in the toilet.
This is called Golytely. It's an oxymoron.

The very same toilet.
 I know you are wondering...why on earth did she take a picture of the toilet? Well, I can honestly say that I developed a very close personal connection with this very toilet. As a matter of fact, I wondered if my rear end had round marks imprinted into it when I went into the procedure room for my colonoscopy, causing fits of laughter among the doctors and nurses.

So that was the procedure. Adding to the mix was the monitor I had to wear at all times. It hung from cords which were attached to my chest. The monitor was annoying. If you wanted to sleep on your side, you had to flip the monitor to the opposite side. If you let it drop, you worried about what your heart rate was saying about you at the command center. It itched. Here is the monitor, unattached.
My monitor
Additional equipment in case of emergency.
I was glad to say goodby to that sucker. My other equipment consisted of a porta potty. I vowed that only a true emergency would facilitate the use of the porta potty. When I left, it was as pristine as the day I arrived. Even I have my limits.

Barf Condom, Tricky Hospital Gown, Monitor Patches, and Menu
I did come home from the hospital with some souvenirs. Of course, the obligatory welcome kit that I don't use, came home with me. After all, my insurance probably paid big bucks for that plastic bin, comb, bar of soap, lotion and baby powder. I also took the box of tissues.  Other souvenirs included one hospital gown (just so I can finally figure out how to effectively close it),  some patches that were hooked up to me and a new improved barfing convenience from the ER. Remember the kidney shaped pans they used to give you? No longer. Now they give you something that looks like a giant condom. It was so cool I just had to have it. Oh, and the menu of my last meal there.

7 comments:

Catherine said...

This is a recurring theme lately - I am learning a lot from this group! Keep it up.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

glad it wasn't your appendix

Sharon said...

What an experience! So glad you can joke about it.

@Catherine, get used to it. We boomers are not reticent about sharing out life experiences.

Jody Worsham said...

Ahh, memories! Age is definitely not for whimps. Glad all is well.

Bodacious Boomer said...

Sorry about the hospital visit; but glad it wasn't anything more serious.

I musta really lucked out. Before my colonsocopy I had to take 2 teeny pills then drink only 8 oz. of a salty liquid. That was it for the prep.

Then the next day they gave me a IV with Versed. I was out. Fifteen minutes later I was wide awake and got to careen through my colon on a big screen TV.

Regina said...

Wow, I had no idea that so much went into that type of test. Sounds like you had an experience to write about. Thanks for the information. Now I will know what to expect if it ever comes up.

Michael Offutt said...

My mom and dad both have this disease which means I'll get it too. Not looking forward to that. I like things with seeds in them.