Trading Places

     How many times have your watched a loved one who is ill and think to your generous and loving self, "I wish I could trade places with you right now, to make your life a better one?" That thought has entered my mind as my sister, Diana, has endured one setback after another in her quest to get to surgery to remove a cancerous tumor on her leg.
     The good news for her is that it finally seems to be happening. I am happy to report that her tumor seems to be responding to the radiation. Seems to be a little smaller and weaker in our professional opinions. And...she is back to being able to eat, a big worry for us, since she lost 10 pounds. It is great to hear her voice happier and stronger when I call.
     The bad news is that I, once again, am trying to one-upmanship her in the sympathy department. It seems that I have had an asthmatic condition for quite a while, which accounts for my shallow breathing. As the pulmonologist pointed out succinctly, "Your breathing is lousy." So I am taking some inhalation therapy to see if it helps. So far I am coughing like a...coughing person, I guess. In addition, my little toe somehow must have gotten jammed somewhere when I was not looking, and is turning bruised and purple. How do you get an injury like that and not know? Is there going to be a time soon when we are both healthy at the same time? Stay tuned. Meanwhile enjoy a funny little video that made me laugh.It turns out that it is the Voca People, who portray aliens ( I thought they were match-heads) and are quite a sensation.
http://youtu.be/-7lnrEfJcyA

Shopping for Shoes

Shoe Lover Closet

     Well, I must admit that I am not one of those people that goes crazy over shoes. In fact, if I could, I would go barefoot all the time. The first thing that goes off on walking in the house is the shoes. (The second is the bra, if you don't know that already.) So shoes don't mean a lot to me.

Chinese Foot Binding

     My feet were never meant to be encased. They are rather odd looking. I am not sure what a doctor would say about them but they look as though I lived in the Chinese foot-binding culture for a period of time during my formative years. 

All I know is that when I visit a new doctor, he/she stops at my feet and looks at them again. Then they look at me and write something down on their chart. I have never asked what they wrote. Sometimes it's better not to know.
     I cannot wear heels and most shoes are uncomfortable on me. So when I find a shoe I like, I buy it in every color and wear it day after day until it begs for mercy. My latest pair are begging to be let go into that great shoe heaven in the sky, where all good soles eventually end up.
     So I headed out to the nearest store that carries my brand. I don't want to divulge the name brand but it rhymes with "fetch her." Those are the only shoes I wear for comfort. And there is only one model of those that I like. And it seems that everyone else likes it too because the stores never have it.

     Anyway the store was wild today. You would have thought it was the week before Christmas. I spied one salesgirl who was being "owned" by a needy woman who wanted to tell her about her trip to Disney World. So I proceeded through crowded aisles, trying to move through a sea of people, many of whom were on cell phones not talking about shoes. Since there were no sales people, other than the trapped one, visible, people were getting creative to get help. One man was lifting his little daughter by the legs way up high and she could reach boxes off the high shelves. I wanted to rent her for a bit but she was in high demand. Another lady started to climb a ladder and lo and behold! A sales man appeared to tell her not to climb the ladder.
     "Only the sales staff should climb the ladder!" he exclaimed.
     "Fine!" she said. "Find me a salesman." Message received: If you want to get a clerk, start climbing a ladder. If you have a crutch or cane with you, carry it up the ladder also. You'll get help darn fast.

Soles for Shoe Heaven

     After a few more minutes of aimless bumping into people, we left. I came home, found the shoes on sale and ordered them online.  Once I ascertain that they are truly the ones I want, I will order them in every color and I am set. My current pair will make their way to Shoe Heaven.

My AARP Comments

     I like to look through the AARP little newspaper thingy. There is some pretty good information in there, in addition to some heavy reminders of why I, Jeanne Kraus, am receiving this in the mail. After all, I am not a spring chicken any more. But, rather than write in and respond to AARP, I think I will make my comments online.
     The first thing that caught my eye was very interesting indeed. There are now companies that will send someone to fly with you if you are not as agile as you used to be. You can pay someone to be your companion to fly with you. They can even help you check into a hotel and make sure you get to your destination. But the article does not mention what happens at the end. Do you send them on their way with a merry "Thanks for the memories!" or do you offer them your body as a thank you. Oh, wait, these are senior citizens we are talking about. So I guess the companion just goes on back home.

     I think for now, I will stick with my husband George. He is free and is good at carrying the luggage. He doesn't talk much but I think I would rather travel with him.

This is an unidentified sunbather in a Speedo. 

 








The second article I read was just an outrage. A man, 61 years old, lost his lifeguard job. According to him, he lost it because he refused to wear Speedo type swimshorts. He wanted something that covered a bit more. I say, Good for you, mister! No one wants to see a 61 year old in a Speedo. I hope he keeps on fighting the fight.
     AARP does not tell you, that because of these hazards of vacationing, you should stay home in your senior years. Eau contraire, they advertise such active senior activities as zip-lining and rapids rafting and bicycling. Just watch out for the men in Speedos.
     

Humor in the Written Word

I think this is my favorite sign. Always read the small print.

Makes me want to stay out of areas where mountain lions hang out.

Adds new meaning to the word Heavy.

Is this across from a bar? A government building?

I always believe in taking care of the animals.

     Seems like a good time for humor. It's Friday night. I have been surfing the net looking for some humor ideas to tickle your fancy. I ran across some cute "Funny signs" from boredpanda.com. I love odd signs on the side of the road. I especially like them on the computer so that I can read them and enjoy them without fear of running off the edge of the road trying to read the small print. I hope you are enjoying them.

To be paid by the estate of the deceased. I guess.

 

 

 

Intrigue

     I am intrigued by how much the world seems to have, and how much less I seem to have. Today I saw "unwrapped" the Victoria's Secret 2.5 million dollar fantasy bra and the lucky woman who has been chosen to wear it in the Victoria's Secret Fashion show.

     I am intrigued that she will be wearing a bra that costs 1.25 million a cup. I am intrigued that this has been her dream for a long time. I am intrigued that a woman could parade down a runway with everyone looking at her chest and no one laughs. I wonder...if a bigger busted woman would have cost them more to make the bra. Certainly it must be more expensive, more boob size, more diamonds. So that is why they picked someone so petite and trim I guess.

      In fact, this story so intrigued me, the person who buys all her bras from J.C. Penney during "Underwear Days" at a price of 2 for 1 or something like that. Once a year. Requirement for them: they have to fit. That's all. Not decorative, because after all, there is no runway for me to parade down. No adoring audience. I get off cheap. 
     Then I found out that the same company also makes the most expensive purse in the world. Again, I rank poorly in this area. I buy a purse on sale, carry it till it falls apart or something sticky gets all over the inside, and then I buy another one or wait to get one as a gift. Hmm. It's good. Wouldn't I look foolish with a 2.5 million dollar bra and a "pleather" handbag from Target with food stains all over it. At least I match.

World’s most expensive purse worth $3.8 million

Life in the Fast Lane

     Well, once again I am behind in my blog. No, I did not say my behind is in my blog. Get that out of your mind. It is just that an interesting thing happened today that I have to tell you about. Reminds me of my high school days. I was riding shotgun in the front seat of a car driven by a PTA mom in our school, with a spare mom in the back seat. A car pulled up with an entirely evil looking lady in it who addressed a comment to me.
     "You really scared me, you know. That was terrifying. I thought something terrible had happened."

     None of us had a clue what she was talking about so we maturely started to giggle. Finally she said, "The hand...you could really scare somebody." 
     Our driver confessed that she had one of those Halloween decoration things sticking out of the trunk of the car. This of course, caused us to burst into peals of laughter, much as we tried to swallow it down. 
     She rode alongside of us for a while, giving us evil and mean looks and muttering curses under her breath. (I am sure they were curses.)

     Is this true? Would someone really think those rubbery hands are real? Does that happen anywhere except on Law and Order?

Legs are humorous!

This is quite a bit more advanced than the model we sported.

 

Better Late than Never

     Well I have not fallen off the earth, just off my blog. Some persistent health issues plagued me, then I had to make a trip up to Illinois to see my sister, who is dealing with a sarcoma in her leg. I know she is going to be okay but it is hard to see a family member going through all of the issues she has experienced.
      Diana has always been a healthy person, whereas I got the short end of the stick in the health department. My first health problems probably started around 2 years of age (I had a seizure, called convulsions then, scaring my family) and had to start wearing glasses. Throughout out my life I have had back troubles, knee troubles, and odd looking feet that doctors always look amazed at. I have had several hospitalizations, allergies and various surgeries. Hospitals have been my home away from home.
      Diana, on the other hand, has been annoyingly healthy all throughout my life. Other than braces, I can't think of a problem at all. Until she hit the magic age of after 50. Quite a bit after 50, in fact. Not only has she had some health problems but none of them seem related. It is like the warranty on some of her body parts has expired, where, in my case, probably my mother should have invoked the Lemon Law and sent me back for a newer model.

Spoon Antics by Diana

   I explained to my sister that you are not supposed to store up all your health problems but gradually release them at around, say, age 2, so that you space them out nicely during your life. At any rate, we are there for her for whatever she needs. Right now, she is suffering extreme boredom along with the pain. (See picture)
     Of course, for the trip, George had to accompany me, because while I was helping Diana he needed to be there to make sure I did not fall down any stairs, or get stuck in any car back seats or trip over one of her cats. What a pair we are!

George B.S. (Before Staples)

     Now that we are home, we have been very busy. Of course, George had to get into the act and garner a little sympathy for himself. He hit his head on an awning and put a nasty open gash on his head. Off we went for staples in his head, which I could have done for him at home with my Swingline.

Darn Map!

     Last night, going to a party across town, we discovered that if you print off a map on Google, don't forget to enlarge it. We got to the neighborhood. I was squinting at the map.
     "George, I can't read this."
      George asked, "What can't you read?"

Google or goggle? You be the judge.

     "The whole thing," I said, squinting more. I turned on the inside light. The only word I could make out was Google.

     Or maybe it said Goggle. Even with my high power glasses on, I could not read anything on that map.
     George took it from me. He examined it closely. "Well, let's just drive around the neighborhood until we see a house with a lot of cars at it."
     Good plan. The first house we found had a lot of cars but we did not recognize any of them. The second house, VOILA! We saw our friend, Joe's car! Who needs a map?