Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Second Crusade Challenge

     This was a fun challenge. Under 100 words, beginning with "The goldfish bowl teetered...." Enjoy.

Fish Dreams
95 words

The goldfish bowl teetered
right where they were playing
The dog chased the kitten
The table was swaying

A slide to the right
The bowl shifting quickly
Terrified fish face
so panicked and sickly.

Traumatized eyes
are aghast in surprise
Frantic fins flapping
against his demise.


DOWN to the carpet
The cascading flood,
His habitat plunges
below with a thud.


He flops to the left
He flops to the right
He’s gasping for air
but something’s not right

Reality’s fishy
It’s not what it seems
Such are the nightmares
of fish who have dreams.



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38 comments:

  1. UnknownMarch 22, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    I think this is the first poem I've read. Great job!

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  2. Sierra GardnerMarch 22, 2011 at 6:17 PM

    This is great! And I think it's the first poem I've seen!

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  3. TrishaMarch 22, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    Awww, fishy nightmares! I want to hug the lil fishy! :D

    This was great!

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  4. Kari MarieMarch 22, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    This is great. My favorite entry so far.

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  5. jkraus8464March 22, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    There are a lot of good ones...each one as different as the next. I am amazed at how the same 4 words can generate so many different moods, emotions and situations. Thanks, Kari.

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  6. Carol RiggsMarch 22, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    That's so great! I love the twist at the end (whew, he's ok!!). You're the first who's written the flashfic in verse, too. :) I like the alliteration of "frantic fins flapping." Good job.

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  7. AnonymousMarch 22, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Oh, Bravo! Your poem is genius.

    Nice to meet you, Jeanne!

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  8. Denise Covey March 22, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    You are so clever. First poetic take I've seen on this challenge. I just arrived and followed. Better late than never crusader.

    Reading about you I see we have some things in common - teacher with an interest in topics for boomers. I love Gap Year for Grown-ups and plan to write a travel memoir on a topic like that. Yours sounds like a hoot.

    Denise<3

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  9. BodaciousboomerMarch 22, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    Cute, really cute Miss Jeanne.

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  10. Summer RossMarch 22, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    This was wonderfully done! great way to put it in a poem with a twist at the end even!

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  11. AnonymousMarch 22, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    Nightmares of fish ?? Who have dreams??


    Catchy words for sure!! Cool post!!


    Thanks for dropping by my blog!!!

    with warm regards
    http://becomingprince.blogspot.com

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  12. Cally JacksonMarch 22, 2011 at 11:34 PM

    Awwww, poor little fishy. Great poem, reads really well!

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  13. Amanda MilnerMarch 23, 2011 at 2:38 AM

    ♥~LOVE IT!~♥
    Seriously, awesome poem! And poor little fish!

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  14. Deniz BevanMarch 23, 2011 at 12:11 PM

    Aww, poor fish nightmares. This was a great entry!

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  15. Crystal CollierMarch 23, 2011 at 12:56 PM

    Debated going this route, but my last flash fiction piece was a poem...

    Nicely done.

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  16. Ben LanghinrichsMarch 23, 2011 at 3:26 PM

    Good job. I have been surprised there have not been other poems, but you do well in this. I like the ending. Didn't see that coming.

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  17. jkraus8464March 23, 2011 at 6:01 PM

    Thanks everybody. Writing in poetry is my first love but it does not always translate into sales....

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  18. Michelle MerrillMarch 23, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    Oh, that's awesome! Great take on the flash fiction.

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  19. Vicki TremperMarch 23, 2011 at 8:15 PM

    Very creative and with a twist! Nicely done.

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  20. alberta rossMarch 24, 2011 at 5:18 AM

    the whole was great - the ending fantastic - so good

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  21. UnknownMarch 24, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    Brilliant ending! Loved the twist that threw every beautiful line before it on its head. Bravo!

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  22. Donea LeeMarch 24, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Ah, love it! The rhymes are spot on and it just flows. Great job with the prompt! :)

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  23. J.C. MartinMarch 24, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    This is awesome! A fish's nightmare, in rhyme! Brilliant!

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  24. jkraus8464March 24, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    Thanks so much everyone.I had fun writing this one.

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  25. Tony BensonMarch 25, 2011 at 5:58 AM

    Ha - I love the ending. It's nice to see a poem for this theme. Very well written.

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  26. DanetteMarch 25, 2011 at 7:49 AM

    This is a really cute poem! The ending is great!! Another fun challenge wasn't it?

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  27. J.L. CampbellMarch 25, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    Well done. It made me smile to think about fish having dreams!

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  28. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 11:44 PM

    Nice job! Loved it. Very good poem. :)

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  29. Golden EagleMarch 26, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    I love this poem! There have been so few entries in this format--and yours is awesome. :)

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  30. jkraus8464March 26, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    Thanks so much. I love writing poetry. I like revising and changing and working at it. A deadline is great for me to write poetry.

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  31. Susan KaneMarch 26, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    Not everyone tackles a poem, and then does it so extremely well. Great twist at the end!
    I am a retired teacher (elem. school), and am writing for the Boomer age. We have so much to say, too!
    Loved your flash.

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  32. Deniz BevanMarch 26, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    Guess what! You've been shortlisted in the crusade challenge judging round!

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  33. jkraus8464March 26, 2011 at 10:47 PM

    Cool! That sounds good!

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  34. Deniz BevanMarch 26, 2011 at 11:25 PM

    One more bit of news - you're a finalist in the judging round!

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  35. Alison MillerMarch 27, 2011 at 7:37 AM

    a) I love children's books - so I loved this piece!

    b) I loved the ending!

    Great job!

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  36. Adina WestMarch 27, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    Great poem! You well deserve being shortlisted and more with this entry.

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  37. UnknownMarch 28, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    This was totally awesome! So glad to see another poem! :D

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  38. CarrieMarch 29, 2011 at 5:27 AM

    I love this! Fish dreams are very intriguing :)

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