Captive Audience

The Wedding

2012-02-04T19:51:00.000-05:00

In 5 weeks from today I will be a mother-in-law for the second time. We are inheriting not only a wonderful daughter, but also her extended family, which we love so much already. Wow! Add to that the fact that my sister, Diana, has recovered successfully from the cancer in her leg and will be at the wedding and well...life is pretty good. I even have my MOG dress (mother of the groom). As you may recall I made the fatal error of ordering one online. It was lovely. I looked like a stuffed sausage in it. But that is all over. I have a new dress and I am ready. Well almost.
Since I rarely learn from my mistakes I ordered shoes online and returned them, then we headed out to DSW and got some comfortable shoes that will allow for standing, walking, and dancing.

I'm a Brand New Chick!

Speaking of dancing, my son and I have planned our mother/son dance, which just blows me away, the thought of it. He asked me for my input. I had two ideas, neither of which were chosen. One was "I'm a Brand New Chick!" and the other was "Detachable Penis!"

Not even Rosie the Riveter could get that bra on.

We settled for a more motherly love song, which I will not reveal at this time. But today was the piece de resistance! I had to go shopping for a strapless bra. Big deal you say. Yeah! I have never got one before and I hope to never have to get one again. It was torture.
Since my midsection has expanded much larger in later years, I was about 4 inches off in my estimate of what size I would need. It took a while to get to where I could pull the darn thing up without choking. Strapless bras, it turns out, have that rubbery stuff on them to stick to your torso better and it makes them really hard to put on. I was wishing my first daughter in law, Ashlee was there to help.

Results of Bra Shopping

I knew my waist was too big!

In the olden days, making your waist smaller.

I also picked up a thing that makes your waist smaller and makes you look like Scarlett O'Hara. Did not try it on, I was too exhausted from the bras. I met my husband at the entrance of the store, sweaty, glassy-eyed with wild hair, and he thought I had gotten into some kind of a bra brawl. I expect to have to start dressing the day before in order to get it on. Stay tuned for more wedding stories.

You Can't Take the Teacher out of the Person...

2012-01-28T15:07:00.001-05:00

I am teacher! Hear me roar!

Definitely, in my case, I am a teacher first and a woman second. I have that Teacher Look, the one that can freeze a culprit in 3 seconds flat. Add to that the Teacher Voice, the one that can carry across a crowded room, or the one that sinks to a whisper to add extra emphasis. Whatever the tone, the statements have periods on the end of them so that there is no question that I am a teacher. Occasionally I surprise culprits with it.

Freshly hatched!

Years ago, my sister and I took the kids to the Museum of Science and Industry, (Chicago) which has changed a good deal since I went there as a child. I love that museum, not because of all the wonderful scientific hands-on gadgets. Not because of all the scientific knowledge that you can glean from the experiments you perform. No, it was because of the baby chicks who were hatching from their eggs in the giant incubator. But I digress. Those baby chicks were so cute.

There were many exhibits!

     Anyway,when we returned there as adults, I was a little disappointed in one thing. It seemed as though working adults had discovered the value of dropping off their children there, going to work, and coming back to pick them up later. This resulted in children running around and hogging the exhibits. This did not sit well with the teacher in me.
     We were standing in line quite a while while one little boy played with a race car exhibit. A Japanese family stood in front of us and Cory and I were next in line. The Japanese family had waited quietly and patiently for quite a while, when the 7-8 year old boy decided to play again and not leave the line.
     I tapped him on the back. "Excuse me, but it is time for someone else to play. You need to go to the back of the line." He gave me the I-can't believe-you-are-talking-to-me-get-out-of-my-face-look and returned to the game.
     I said "Excuse me!" to the still-patient Japanese family and reached around to grab him by the shirt collar. "Move, it, Bub!" I ordered. "There are other kids here."
     He left, my sister couldn't believe it and for the rest of the time she checked the area to make sure some gang was not going to jump on me.

Mailbox Misery

Yesterday I had an opportunity to use my powers again. We have had complaints of kids vandalizing areas of my neighborhood. One complaint was that a child was flinging open all the mailboxes on our street as he went down the street.

So I hid behind a tree till the bus came. 4 Children came off the bus. Sure enough, the cute little guy in the navy backpack started backhanding all the mailboxes. I stepped out, and said, "Leave those mailboxes alone. They are personal property." He seemed stunned at seeing me materialize from the tree. "Now go back and close those mailboxes." He did, and got out of Dodge fast.
Haven't lost my touch.

Stressed? Who, Me?

2012-01-18T15:58:00.001-05:00

Stress got me good today!

Today is probably one of my more stressful days I have had in a long while. In fact, I am sitting here writing this just to see if that will help me relax. First of all, today was my sister's surgery. I am happy to see that they removed the cancer on her leg successfully without complication. So I am breathing easier on that account.


A different kind of shingles.

   Just about the time she was leaving to go to the hospital this morning, and I was leaving to go to work, my mother-in-law, Jean, called me to tell me that she needed to go to the emergency room.
     She was in a lot of pain over what seemed to be a bug bite but when I took a look at it, Whoa! No bug did that! It turns out she has shingles, which are very painful and contagious.
   The drive to the hospital would have taken just 10 minutes but it took me 15 minutes to get her not collapsible walker into my Mini-Cooper. The 3 bags of needed items she had swinging from it did not help. When we got to the hospital, she was afraid someone would take it, so it stayed in the car.
     So we saw the doctor, and I took her home and went to get her meds. I went to the wrong pharmacy and ended up having to go to a different one after waiting a half hour in the first one. I took her the meds and some other things she needed, got her into bed, and headed for work.

Clueless in Tamarac

Now you have to remember that George is the driver in our house. I hardly ever drive but, of course, I am since he is away at a writer's convention. So I am kind of unfamiliar with the workings of my little Mini-Cooper. As I drove toward school, I accidentally got the wiper blades going in front. As I tried to stop them, I turned the rear ones on also. Then I caused them both to clean the windshields with fluid. I finally got them to stop when I pulled up at school.

After school, I hurried over to see Jean and see if she was okay. She was, to my relief. As I left to go home, I thought I had left my cell phone at work and drove back to work to get it. Ah, I checked one more time before I went inside, and the phone was now magically in my purse.

I'm home now, hiding from the world and hoping to have a quiet night!

Buy Buy Baby

2012-01-14T18:20:00.000-05:00

Baby Needs a New Pair of Shoes? Really?

I'll take one of everything!

Baby Bedroom

The name of this store intrigues me, as I reflect over what has happened in the baby industry over the years. It used to be that the most expensive thing you worried about when you had children was sending them to college. Now I had my babies in the 1977 and 1981 so it's been a while. A rash of new babies has caused me to go baby shopping a number of times and I feel as though I am going into another world.

A Crib Aquarium for Soothing

     First of all, there is a reason it's called "Buy, Buy, Baby." You buy and you buy and you buy. And your money goes bye, bye, baby.

     There is a selection of items for every task, baby wipes, a warmer so they don't get a chill, diapers in decorative patterns, special sizes, nighttime, daytime, playtime and pullups for that big kid feeling. There are umbrella strollers, jogging strollers, covers for shopping carts, and covers for strollers. There is a seat to go in the stroller with a cover for it. And there is a double set at Grandma's house so you don't have to make do with what she has on hand.

     There are mobiles, stuffed animals that play music, timers that play "white noise," crib toys that reflect stars on the ceiling, and DVDs to ensure your baby is an Eistein by the time he/she gets his first tooth. Speaking of which, you can get all kinds of precious little mementos for babies for such events as losing the first tooth, going on the potty, taking the first step and saying their first words. (Credit Card)

Get a bigger house!

I pulled out my baby book I had for Jeff and my baby shower netted some receiving blankets, socks, newborn diapers, crib sheets, some toys, one stroller, one high chair and baby clothes. We had a mobile, no baby monitor in those days, and the stuffed animals were just....cuddly animals. They did not play soothing sounds or spell out words or repeat math facts for them.

What alarms me about all this is that I am getting to the age of "Grandmotherhood." I guess I had better be prepared for "Bye, Bye, Baby."

French Technology

2012-01-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

Minnie Cooper

Just a short update today to tell you of my latest technology debacle. My husband and I have discovered that on our comes-with-the-car satellite radio (for one year), we can get stations that play music entirely in French. Normally, this would be of no interest to me, being that I do not speak any French other than oui, croissant, and petit. But after spending some time with my sister in the fall, I was able to develop a new appreciation for the French.

Why would that be? Well, my sister loves anything French. A fun thing she planned for us was to watch some French movies, some with subtitles and some with nothing. Despite her comment that we would be able to follow most of the action and would find it very humorous, we did experience a bit of a culture gap. But I digress.

   Once I found that station on the radio I had to see if she knew of it.
     "Diana!" I enthusiastically phoned her from the car. "Do you know of the station L'Oasis?"
     "Well, no," she said.
     "Well, we have been listening to it. Either all French songs have "dum dum de dum" in them or they keep playing the same one." I then told her that we had recognized an Elton John song in French.
     Then I had a great idea. I turned up the radio, held the i-Phone to the speaker and let her have a listen. After, I asked her, "Could you hear it?"

     "Well, I heard something. A little bit like music."
     Then George interrupted my conversation to tell me, "You were holding it up to the A/C vent, not the speakers."
     'Twas true. Embarrassing but true.

E-Shopping Blues

2012-01-04T18:10:00.001-05:00

Since I was recovering from pneumonia just before Christmas, I did most of my shopping on-line. On-line shopping is a great invention. I heartily recommend it, as long as you are careful what you are shopping for. My family makes out wish lists on Amazon.com, which is very helpful when you need a gift. I imagine that started in this way:

Oodles of Underwear

Cory: Hey, Jeff, what did you get from Mom and George for Christmas?
Jeff: Socks, underwear, a new toothbrush, shirts, pants. The usual.

A Trove of Toothbrushes

Cory: Yeah, me too. I have a pile of underwear that could rival the landfill near Quiet Waters Park.
Jeff: Me, too. How much underwear can you wear at one time, anyway? I have an idea. Let's do an Amazon.com Wish List for Mom to look at. Then we can get cool electronic stuff that we REALLY need!


Another good idea is born!

Cory: Great!

And the wish list was born. So now shopping is easy.

These toilets are made from dollar bills!

For that personalized traditional ornament.

      It's easier for my sister, who likes anything tacky like horrible movies and things with toilet-related themes, such as tree ornaments, etc.

     This year, I had no more than the usual shopping stress online. Of course, there are the ratings to fill out so that the vendors can get their online compliments. I must admit that I felt a trifle weird filling out the survey on my sister's gift, a computer mouse pad with "Paging Dr. Doody" on it, a steaming picture of dog doody on it. It was from the Mr. Poo Company, in case you are interested.
     The hardest thing I tried to do was to find a dress for my son's wedding online. Whatever possessed me to do that I don't know. I think I was still on some heavy duty meds from my hospital stay.
     I searched and searched for a dress that would make me look like Jennifer Aniston or even just Phyllis Diller, but it was an uphill battle. Finally I found a 2 piece dress that looked good, was the right size and was pretty.
     I took a gamble on it. The dress was beautiful. The chiffon skirt was very pretty and the beaded top lovely. And the price? Excellent! I oh'ed and ah'ed as I removed it from its package. I hurried to try it on.
     I could not get it down past my neck without severe respiratory difficulty. So sad.

A Cardinal Ruler

The Cardinals Rule?

Cardinal

So I packed it up and sent it back to the seller, explaining my dilemma. (You can see the letter in an earlier post). Today I got not one, but 2 strongly worded emails from the seller. Not only had I broken a Cardinal Rule by sending it to her without permission, but it now had magically developed a stain on the unworn skirt. So she wanted to charge me a 20.00 restocking fee and have the dress cleaned. If there was any refund left, she would send it to me albeit grudgingly.

Oh, and...she hoped that I would give her a good rating on the E-Bay listing. When pigs fly, baby!

Ellen Degeneres

2012-01-01T19:37:00.000-05:00

One year ago today, I blogged about the fact that the only thing left on my Bucket List was to go on the Ellen show and meet her. I gave some good reasons for being considered:

Number 1 on the B.L.

1. She has way too many young people, especially kids, on her show. They have plenty more time to develop their talent. I am 61 and the clock is ticking. There is a sense of urgency.

Lil' P' Nut has lots of years ahead.

Ellen Rocks!

2. Ellen and I could be best friends. I know that because she is quirky and loves animals. She is not afraid to speak her mind. (She does dance better than me but I could learn.)

3. The Baby Boomer segment of society is being under-represented on her show. She needs me.

4. I have many talents. I can, um...write books and speak humorously. I cannot sing but am willing to try if that is what she wants. She seems to like singers a lot.

5. I blog.

6. I have been a teacher for 32 years. I love working with kids and new teachers. Most of all, I love seeing kids when they are grown up and seeing who they have become.

So my annual BLOG for ELLEN is out again. I hope she remembers that I was able to accomplish my Number 2 on my Bucket List a few years ago: Meet Dave Barry.

Me n' Dave

One out of 2! Not bad!

Shopping for a Dress

2011-12-31T16:47:00.000-05:00

Well it has happened again. I have had to resort to shopping. I discovered that you cannot buy an outfit online when you are the mother of the groom. At least I can't. There are some particular issues about my body that make it difficult for me to find a dress that looks even remotely decent on me. Sweatshirts and jeans are fine but when you have to notch it up a bit and dress for your son's wedding, well...

Not my style


Not me

So I have spent days and nights surfing the internet. I found lots of wonderful dresses for MOG's (Mothers of the Groom) but all of them seem to have been Miss America hopefuls.

Well I resorted to finding what looked like a perfect chiffon dress on E-Bay, brand new, in champagne color. Gorgeous and I was pretty positive it would fit. Today I repacked it to send it back to the seller along with the following note:

I am very sad to say that I must return this item to you. I absolutely love it but I look like a stuffed sausage in it. It is tight around the top and I am basically shaped like a large baked potato so I look pretty horrible in it. If no one looks at me from the side, I am not too bad, but I don't think I can get through my son's wedding walking at right angles to everyone. I would certainly buy from you again if you were to come up with something that would fit around me. Sincerely, JK

Are muumuus appropriate?

Flash Mobs for the Holidays

2011-12-25T11:09:00.000-05:00

Flash Mobs are the latest rage. And they are so much fun to watch, and, I assume, to participate in. Although no one has asked me. But I am available. I have here for your viewing pleasure, 2 flash mobs. One is just your average Food Court Holiday Flash Mob sung by an amazing group of people. The other is...well, a Target Flash Mob for Senior Citizens. I'd like to think I would fit into the first. I know that I probably look more like the second. Merry Christmas!

Merrry Christmas FLash Mob

Senior Flash Mob

Enjoy!

The Sniff Test

2011-12-24T18:12:00.001-05:00

I hope you are all looking for the funny in life. It is there all the time. I probably run into 3-4 stories a day that I could write about, showing my unique Jeanne Kraus perspective on them. But they are there, just waiting for you to reflect on them.
My son, Jeff, and his fiancee, Shannon came over to visit today. Being that it is Christmas Eve, they are here for a few days, which makes me very happy indeed. Along with them came Abbey, Mutt Extraordinaire, who is the subject of many of our funny stories.

Foot Pads or Fritos? You be the judge.

Today's story came compliments of Jeff.
"Did you know that all dogs' foot pads smell like Fritos?" he asked conversationally.

Abbey

He went on to tell us that one day at work, a number of years ago, one of his co-workers, perhaps after too much of some illegal substance, confided in him, "Yo, Dude, did you know that all dogs' feet smell like Fritos?"

Fritos or Dog Feet? You be the judge!

Now Jeff is the original Show Me and Prove it to Me or I'm Taking You Down kind of person. He went home, researched and stuck his nose into each one of Abbey's paws, and came to his own conclusions. He was right! We don't know for sure that it is every dog...but we haven't found one that doesn't pass the sniff test. Try it!

Sniff! Sniff!

2011-12-22T16:52:00.000-05:00

My days of spending time at the doctor have dwindled down to maybe one out of every ten days. The latest thing I have noticed in some of the doctors' offices is that they move you around like cattle moving closer to the slaughterhouse.

The last 2 visits I had, I got called to fill out the forms, called again to bring my co-pay, called to go into the inner sanctum (YAY!) and put in a second waiting room. I can't complain because I got to watch the Ellen show in its entirety but really! Why so long of a wait? Last week was three hours' wait and it took so long that they were not able to do the procedure on me that they wanted because the nurse left at 5:00 and I had not been seen yet. So I had to come back the next day.

Different Doctor: Today the nurse once again ushered me into a second waiting room with a TV where I was able to catch an episode of Matlock, enjoying the 70's hairstyles. The major complaint I had about this room was that a gum-chewing woman came and sat next to me. A clicker and a clacker and a popper and a bubble blower, all infused with a uncharmingly fruity scent. Barf! I was relieved when they came to get me.

But the good news is that I will be signing a contract for my third children's book with Magination Press. I am anxious to work on it...I love their books. That's the latest with me! What's up with you?

What Has Happened to Me?

2011-12-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

Hopefully SOMEONE has noticed that I have not blogged as of late. I think I am lost in gameland. I have gone totally crazy over "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" Although I never watch it on TV, I do enjoy the online version. I like trivia challenges, and you have to think fast, which I need to work on. Between that and "Words With Friends" I have been busy. The good thing is that I am off for 2 weeks for winter break. I am feeling back to my normal self now so am happy about that. I have a couple of things to share here on my blog. The first was a nice surprise. Google informed me that someone had created a book trailer for my first book. Big surprise to me, I finally tracked down the creator and it is a college student studying elementary education who liked my book. That was cool.

The second video is one to get you in the spirit of the season. I love it. I play it almost every day because it is so captivating. Happy Holidays!

P.S. This was filmed in a mall near where I grew up.

Christmas Spirit

2011-12-04T18:19:00.001-05:00

The Wise Shopper!

My spirit seems to be a little lacking this year, being that I am recovering at home. However, when I look at things going on in other places, I think maybe I'm not doing too bad. As I surfed the net to find Christmas presents for my family, finding some great bargains, I might add, I run across the story of the great Black Friday debacle.

Enter at Your Own Risk!

I believe it was in a Wal-Mart where a woman stormed the store armed with pepper spray, which she used liberally, to get the video games on sale. People were dropping like flies. I was appalled. I do remember standing in long lines to get Cabbage Patch Kids, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but none of us felt inclined to incapacitate one another in our quest. The article went on to say that someone who knew her, was "proud of her." Personally I feel that she should have those video games ripped out of her possession and make her shop again. I guess her golden rule is "Do unto others before they do unto you."

    The other interesting tidbit of information I found was one about an ongoing battle in Doylestown Station. Evidently the homeowner's association has decreed that only white lights will be allowed for outside decorating. Unfortunately, some of the homeowners want colorful lights. They can have their colorful lights, at a $10.00 per day fine.
     So here I am in my Tamarac cocoon, healing nicely, watching the decorations go up on the houses on my block, and avoiding the pepper-spray laden crowds at the mall. Life isn't so bad after all!

I'm Back....Sort of!

2011-11-29T18:18:00.000-05:00

My last post was November 14, 2011. I can't believe so much time has gone by. I haven't been lollygagging.

My bronchitis morphed into pneumonia and I ended up in the hospital with all kinds of complications. I am home now, not able to work, with an IV still stuck in my arm. A nurse comes once a day to work the IV. One more week to go...

Like all other illnesses, this one came at a bad time. I missed my trip to visit my kids in Kentucky, and Thanksgiving was non-existent.

With Christmas coming up, I know why Scrooge said "Bah Humbug." It is hard to get excited when you don't feel a part of the shopping, decorating, etc.

Not to mention the fact that I am out of sick days, so will not get paid for my days gone. Hmm. New wrinkle, one I was not prepared for. But this is where I always inject my Jeanne Kraus perspective. There are a lot of people who do not have jobs, homes and families right now. I am so grateful for my family and friends, my wiener dog and 2 kitties. The rest will all work out, maybe by even my next blog! So here's to 2012!

The Neophyte's Guide to Travel Insurance

2011-11-14T18:37:00.000-05:00

I think that I have written on my blog that I am your basic travel virgin. Oh, I go places now and then, mostly then, but don't travel far and wide like many of my friends. So, to my credit, this was my first Travel Insurance experience. You can see by the picture of Ashlee and Cory, why I wanted to see them. They are adorable, are they not?

My Ashlee and Cory! Love them so much!

Original Loopholes

I must say I am rather confused. I thought that Travel Insurance would help if I had to cancel my tickets due to unforeseen circumstances. That is why I bought it. In case I could not fly to see Cory and Ashlee this weekend. Travel Insurance is the Land of the Original Loopholes. I did not pass the test. So for those of you who have not stepped into No Man's Land, let me remind you of what I have endured... Well we had to cancel our trip to Louisville this weekend. The powers that be were conspiring against us on this one.
First of all, I have been plagued with a major cough for a couple of weeks. I have been to the doctor twice, tried a number of medications and today I had a chest x-ray. It did not look good for the trip.

Talking to Insurance People

Secondly, my daughter-in-law, Ashlee :) had a death in her family. Her stepfather's grandmother passed away this weekend. Between my illness and the loss of grandmother, it just seemed like the trip needed to be cancelled. We had no doubt about that. But the insurance company, while very sympathetic, had no provision to help us with the fees we would incur from the cancellation of the flight.

     The customer service rep was lovely. She tried every combination of our situation but my wheezing and grandma's passing meant squat to the insurance company. I began to feel like George Costanza on the episode of Seinfeld where he tried to get a deal on a flight by getting a death certificate of someone he had never known.
     Here is my advice if you ever plan to get travel insurance...
     1. Read the entire plan. Go over it with your attorney.
     2. Make sure you don't have an pre-existing conditions. (this leaves me out because I AM a pre-existing condition)
     3. If anyone dies in your family make sure it is a close relative and it would be helpful if the family you are going to visit lives out of the U.S. That is an advantage for your claim.
     I tried to do the right thing. We cancelled as soon as we could. 5 days before the flight so that they could re-book those seats. Ah well.
     I now have extra time to read all the paragraphs in the policy about "Exclusions." In the meantime I am sad we cannot go, but it is good for me to rest and get well. I thought it was humorous at the end of my conversation with the customer service agent. She finished telling me that my policy that I had printed out was worth nada other than the ream of paper it took to print. I had just made my only snide comment of the conversation. "Now I can see how the insurance companies make their money."

Then she asked me to complete a survey. I did.

Trading Places

2011-11-09T17:47:00.003-05:00

     How many times have your watched a loved one who is ill and think to your generous and loving self, "I wish I could trade places with you right now, to make your life a better one?" That thought has entered my mind as my sister, Diana, has endured one setback after another in her quest to get to surgery to remove a cancerous tumor on her leg.
     The good news for her is that it finally seems to be happening. I am happy to report that her tumor seems to be responding to the radiation. Seems to be a little smaller and weaker in our professional opinions. And...she is back to being able to eat, a big worry for us, since she lost 10 pounds. It is great to hear her voice happier and stronger when I call.
     The bad news is that I, once again, am trying to one-upmanship her in the sympathy department. It seems that I have had an asthmatic condition for quite a while, which accounts for my shallow breathing. As the pulmonologist pointed out succinctly, "Your breathing is lousy." So I am taking some inhalation therapy to see if it helps. So far I am coughing like a...coughing person, I guess. In addition, my little toe somehow must have gotten jammed somewhere when I was not looking, and is turning bruised and purple. How do you get an injury like that and not know? Is there going to be a time soon when we are both healthy at the same time? Stay tuned. Meanwhile enjoy a funny little video that made me laugh.It turns out that it is the Voca People, who portray aliens ( I thought they were match-heads) and are quite a sensation.
http://youtu.be/-7lnrEfJcyA

Shopping for Shoes

2011-11-05T18:11:00.000-04:00

Shoe Lover Closet

Well, I must admit that I am not one of those people that goes crazy over shoes. In fact, if I could, I would go barefoot all the time. The first thing that goes off on walking in the house is the shoes. (The second is the bra, if you don't know that already.) So shoes don't mean a lot to me.

Chinese Foot Binding

My feet were never meant to be encased. They are rather odd looking. I am not sure what a doctor would say about them but they look as though I lived in the Chinese foot-binding culture for a period of time during my formative years.

All I know is that when I visit a new doctor, he/she stops at my feet and looks at them again. Then they look at me and write something down on their chart. I have never asked what they wrote. Sometimes it's better not to know.
I cannot wear heels and most shoes are uncomfortable on me. So when I find a shoe I like, I buy it in every color and wear it day after day until it begs for mercy. My latest pair are begging to be let go into that great shoe heaven in the sky, where all good soles eventually end up.
So I headed out to the nearest store that carries my brand. I don't want to divulge the name brand but it rhymes with "fetch her." Those are the only shoes I wear for comfort. And there is only one model of those that I like. And it seems that everyone else likes it too because the stores never have it.

   Anyway the store was wild today. You would have thought it was the week before Christmas. I spied one salesgirl who was being "owned" by a needy woman who wanted to tell her about her trip to Disney World. So I proceeded through crowded aisles, trying to move through a sea of people, many of whom were on cell phones not talking about shoes. Since there were no sales people, other than the trapped one, visible, people were getting creative to get help. One man was lifting his little daughter by the legs way up high and she could reach boxes off the high shelves. I wanted to rent her for a bit but she was in high demand. Another lady started to climb a ladder and lo and behold! A sales man appeared to tell her not to climb the ladder.
   "Only the sales staff should climb the ladder!" he exclaimed.
     "Fine!" she said. "Find me a salesman." Message received: If you want to get a clerk, start climbing a ladder. If you have a crutch or cane with you, carry it up the ladder also. You'll get help darn fast.

Soles for Shoe Heaven

After a few more minutes of aimless bumping into people, we left. I came home, found the shoes on sale and ordered them online. Once I ascertain that they are truly the ones I want, I will order them in every color and I am set. My current pair will make their way to Shoe Heaven.

My AARP Comments

2011-10-30T12:56:00.005-04:00

I like to look through the AARP little newspaper thingy. There is some pretty good information in there, in addition to some heavy reminders of why I, Jeanne Kraus, am receiving this in the mail. After all, I am not a spring chicken any more. But, rather than write in and respond to AARP, I think I will make my comments online.
The first thing that caught my eye was very interesting indeed. There are now companies that will send someone to fly with you if you are not as agile as you used to be. You can pay someone to be your companion to fly with you. They can even help you check into a hotel and make sure you get to your destination. But the article does not mention what happens at the end. Do you send them on their way with a merry "Thanks for the memories!" or do you offer them your body as a thank you. Oh, wait, these are senior citizens we are talking about. So I guess the companion just goes on back home.

I think for now, I will stick with my husband George. He is free and is good at carrying the luggage. He doesn't talk much but I think I would rather travel with him.


This is an unidentified sunbather in a Speedo.

The second article I read was just an outrage. A man, 61 years old, lost his lifeguard job. According to him, he lost it because he refused to wear Speedo type swimshorts. He wanted something that covered a bit more. I say, Good for you, mister! No one wants to see a 61 year old in a Speedo. I hope he keeps on fighting the fight.
AARP does not tell you, that because of these hazards of vacationing, you should stay home in your senior years. Eau contraire, they advertise such active senior activities as zip-lining and rapids rafting and bicycling. Just watch out for the men in Speedos.

Humor in the Written Word

2011-10-28T18:31:00.000-04:00

I think this is my favorite sign. Always read the small print.

Makes me want to stay out of areas where mountain lions hang out.

Adds new meaning to the word Heavy.

Is this across from a bar? A government building?

I always believe in taking care of the animals.

Seems like a good time for humor. It's Friday night. I have been surfing the net looking for some humor ideas to tickle your fancy. I ran across some cute "Funny signs" from boredpanda.com. I love odd signs on the side of the road. I especially like them on the computer so that I can read them and enjoy them without fear of running off the edge of the road trying to read the small print. I hope you are enjoying them.


To be paid by the estate of the deceased. I guess.

Intrigue

2011-10-26T18:50:00.000-04:00

     I am intrigued by how much the world seems to have, and how much less I seem to have. Today I saw "unwrapped" the Victoria's Secret 2.5 million dollar fantasy bra and the lucky woman who has been chosen to wear it in the Victoria's Secret Fashion show.

     I am intrigued that she will be wearing a bra that costs 1.25 million a cup. I am intrigued that this has been her dream for a long time. I am intrigued that a woman could parade down a runway with everyone looking at her chest and no one laughs. I wonder...if a bigger busted woman would have cost them more to make the bra. Certainly it must be more expensive, more boob size, more diamonds. So that is why they picked someone so petite and trim I guess.

      In fact, this story so intrigued me, the person who buys all her bras from J.C. Penney during "Underwear Days" at a price of 2 for 1 or something like that. Once a year. Requirement for them: they have to fit. That's all. Not decorative, because after all, there is no runway for me to parade down. No adoring audience. I get off cheap.
     Then I found out that the same company also makes the most expensive purse in the world. Again, I rank poorly in this area. I buy a purse on sale, carry it till it falls apart or something sticky gets all over the inside, and then I buy another one or wait to get one as a gift. Hmm. It's good. Wouldn't I look foolish with a 2.5 million dollar bra and a "pleather" handbag from Target with food stains all over it. At least I match.

World’s most expensive purse worth $3.8 million

Life in the Fast Lane

2011-10-25T18:13:00.000-04:00

     Well, once again I am behind in my blog. No, I did not say my behind is in my blog. Get that out of your mind. It is just that an interesting thing happened today that I have to tell you about. Reminds me of my high school days. I was riding shotgun in the front seat of a car driven by a PTA mom in our school, with a spare mom in the back seat. A car pulled up with an entirely evil looking lady in it who addressed a comment to me.
   "You really scared me, you know. That was terrifying. I thought something terrible had happened."

     None of us had a clue what she was talking about so we maturely started to giggle. Finally she said, "The hand...you could really scare somebody."
     Our driver confessed that she had one of those Halloween decoration things sticking out of the trunk of the car. This of course, caused us to burst into peals of laughter, much as we tried to swallow it down.
     She rode alongside of us for a while, giving us evil and mean looks and muttering curses under her breath. (I am sure they were curses.)

     Is this true? Would someone really think those rubbery hands are real? Does that happen anywhere except on Law and Order?


Legs are humorous!

This is quite a bit more advanced than the model we sported.

Better Late than Never

2011-10-16T19:56:00.001-04:00

     Well I have not fallen off the earth, just off my blog. Some persistent health issues plagued me, then I had to make a trip up to Illinois to see my sister, who is dealing with a sarcoma in her leg. I know she is going to be okay but it is hard to see a family member going through all of the issues she has experienced.
      Diana has always been a healthy person, whereas I got the short end of the stick in the health department. My first health problems probably started around 2 years of age (I had a seizure, called convulsions then, scaring my family) and had to start wearing glasses. Throughout out my life I have had back troubles, knee troubles, and odd looking feet that doctors always look amazed at. I have had several hospitalizations, allergies and various surgeries. Hospitals have been my home away from home.
      Diana, on the other hand, has been annoyingly healthy all throughout my life. Other than braces, I can't think of a problem at all. Until she hit the magic age of after 50. Quite a bit after 50, in fact. Not only has she had some health problems but none of them seem related. It is like the warranty on some of her body parts has expired, where, in my case, probably my mother should have invoked the Lemon Law and sent me back for a newer model.

Spoon Antics by Diana

I explained to my sister that you are not supposed to store up all your health problems but gradually release them at around, say, age 2, so that you space them out nicely during your life. At any rate, we are there for her for whatever she needs. Right now, she is suffering extreme boredom along with the pain. (See picture)
Of course, for the trip, George had to accompany me, because while I was helping Diana he needed to be there to make sure I did not fall down any stairs, or get stuck in any car back seats or trip over one of her cats. What a pair we are!

George B.S. (Before Staples)

Now that we are home, we have been very busy. Of course, George had to get into the act and garner a little sympathy for himself. He hit his head on an awning and put a nasty open gash on his head. Off we went for staples in his head, which I could have done for him at home with my Swingline.

Darn Map!

     Last night, going to a party across town, we discovered that if you print off a map on Google, don't forget to enlarge it. We got to the neighborhood. I was squinting at the map.
     "George, I can't read this."
      George asked, "What can't you read?"

Google or goggle? You be the judge.

     "The whole thing," I said, squinting more. I turned on the inside light. The only word I could make out was Google.

     Or maybe it said Goggle. Even with my high power glasses on, I could not read anything on that map.
     George took it from me. He examined it closely. "Well, let's just drive around the neighborhood until we see a house with a lot of cars at it."
     Good plan. The first house we found had a lot of cars but we did not recognize any of them. The second house, VOILA! We saw our friend, Joe's car! Who needs a map?

Traveling Part Deux

2011-09-26T21:28:00.000-04:00

     How do people afford to travel? Here we are, not on a pleasure trip but on one to support a family member and it costs an arm and a leg to fly, rent a car, go out to eat and last but not least, pay for parking at the hospital. Now, mind you this is an impressive hospital. Loyola near Chicago has a great reputation. The building is huge, a series of buildings, really, beautiful and well taken care of. Each building has a really nice coffee and food bar located in it, beautiful waiting rooms, gardens, etc. Well, no wonder.

     My sister had to go to 4 different buildings today. They are quite a distance apart and the day is cold and rainy and she has a very painful leg. Obviously we don't want her walking. So George drops off her and I at the building and he goes and parks. Then he comes and finds us and we finish at one building. He goes and gets the car and drives us to the next building. Etc. The catch-22 is that you pay 5.00 each time you park. So for one day of tests, we run up a parking bill of 20.00. I know where they get their funding.

     My day was very interesting though. People watching is my favorite hospital activity and they were out in full force today. My favorite person got out before I was able to sneak a photo of him, much to my dismay. I am always amazed by the young men who like to wear the falling down pants, some down to their knees, with their boxer shorts showing. Well this guy did something I had never seen. He had cut out the entire seat of his pants so that there was a giant hole in the back with his butt showing. (He had boxer shorts on though). It caused quite a stir in the MRI room, I can tell you that. I am sorry not to have photos but I can give you the flavor of the moment...

It was nothing like these. Darn!

The rip was bigger than this. But he had boxer shorts.

The hole was bigger than this. No guy's head poked through it.

Traveling With George

2011-09-25T19:03:00.000-04:00

A you read this, consider the fact that I am now 1500 miles north of my usual home in South Florida. We flew up yesterday to Chicago to visit my sister. Diana is undergoing surgery on Wed for a leg tumor that is cancerous. We are hoping all will be well with her and came up to be with her for the week.

I have to say, I don't know how regular travelers do it all the time. By the time I got all the reservations made, I was almost too exhausted to travel. It has been a while since we've flown. We got through the body search (I was wondering what they were imagining on seeing titanium rods in my back!) and headed for the gate. Using a shoehorn, the stewardess spring-loaded us into our seats, which were so close together, we had to take turns to buckle our seatbelts. I had brought a variety of things to do on the plane but with the cramped space allotted to me, I decided to forgo reading or computer work in favor of breathing and sitting.

Finally, I decided to ask George to get my book out of the carry-on bag. This bag was chock-full of everything we thought we would need on the plane. George gave me what he was holding on his lap and started to search through the disorganized bag. Twenty minutes passed and he had still not found it. I told him to give up. He did, gratefully. Stuffed like sardines, we just sat in our seats and waited to land. It was all we could do.

But land we did. We were there. All we had to do now was get our luggage (easily accomplished) and grab a shuttle to our car rental area. We stood outside. Damn. It was colder in Illinois and we were not prepared. We stood on the curb with a bunch of other people all awaiting our rental shuttles. Avis....Budget...Hertz...National...Dollar...No one was getting on. Could it be that all these people were waiting for our rental shuttle? I was determined. No one was going to edge me off this shuttle. I stepped forward determinedly, pushing past the elderly couple that had barged in ahead of me. I used my suitcase as a wedge against them moving up again.

At last, 20 minutes having gone by, our shuttle appeared. We moved forward en masse, like a sea of stranded travelers moving with the tide. We all managed to get on, the final leg of our travels behind us. Little did we know that there were more adventures to come!

Going VIral

2011-09-17T14:29:00.000-04:00

I finally found out what going viral means. I keep hearing about videos and songs going viral and wondered just how they do that. Well it's more mysterious than even I imagined. Our family seems to be going viral in addition, and it's not a pretty sight.

My daughter-in-law, Ashlee and my son, Cory both have managed to get sick this past week. Ashlee has been without a voice and they both have been pretty sick, a difficulty for when you still have to go to work. My other son, Jeff, has also been sick with the same thing.

This week it is my turn. No voice, sore throat and feeling pretty punky. Of course I started out with diverticulitis and a really weird rash. All cleared up and now a cold. So what does going viral really mean? It means it can bounce from Orlando, Fl to Louisville, Ky and back again to Tamarac, Fl. I think I would rather prefer going viral to be a video that is seen all over the world, or something that makes me ultra rich and famous. A kind of viral that does not involve excessive use of tissues.

Where Were You?

2011-09-12T18:39:00.000-04:00

     Reflecting on 9/11 has made me feel like I have lived a century. At my elementary school we had a patriotic assembly dressed in our red, white and blue. It was dedicated to the victims of 9/11. As we sang "God Bless America" I realized that almost all of the children in the cafeteria were not even born on that horrific day. It is not even real to most of them.
   There are so many of those "I remember exactly what I was doing at that moment" times during my life.

The explosion of the Challenger, particularly touching with a teacher aboard, was caught on TV with all schoolchildren in the nation watching. The first steps on the moon. The assassination of John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King. The loss of John Lennon and Elvis Presley.

I remember the first time hearing about JFK, Jr.'s plane going down as I shopped for a dress at the local mall. And of course, Princess Di, her fairy tale wedding and the tragic end of her life.

The yellow ribbons tied on all the trees when hostages came home. The loss of Adam Walsh, which erased our innocence regarding parenting and safety.

And yes, the trial of O.J. Simpson, which I wish was not one of the things I remember, but who could forget the stunned look on everyone's face? Mine included.

Who would believe we would live through so many world events? Thank God for the lighter memories, such as the Halley's Comet fiasco, where people planned comet parties and we all stayed up late to see...well, nothing.The long-awaited marriage of Tiny Tim and Miss Vicki on TV.

And the long anticipated live on TV Geraldo Rivera opening Al Capone's vault and finding...well, squat.
What are your life milestones that you recall?

Fortunately, Unfortunately

2011-09-10T10:53:00.000-04:00

There is a great kids' book by Remy Charlip, the title of which is "Fortunately, Unfortunately." The whole book is a series of events in the life of a little boy; good event with bad one following, all through the book. I use it to help kids write with the same pattern.
Despite the fact that the book is written about a little boy, I know that the author was talking about Jeanne Kraus. I feel as though I am the original dark cloud-silver lining person. My life as of late has followed this pattern beautifully.

Yesterday

Fortunately, I got to sleep in till 7:30 cause my loving husband thought it was Saturday.
Unfortunately, it was Friday and I was late to work.
Fortunately, the school managed without me.
Unfortunately, in my rush to work, I left some important things at home that I needed.
Fortunately, I had a lot of other things to do at work.

Unfortunately, I will have a busy weekend working now.
Fortunately, I have stayed healthy and out of the hospital for 2 weeks now.
Unfortunately, George reminded me that I was told to visit a pulmonologist to check on my lung capacity.
Fortunately, I found a listing for a doctor in my area that takes my insurance.

Unfortunately, his name is Dr. Weiner.
Fortunately, I have a cute little weiner dog named Maggie.
Unfortunately, I can't help wondering if Congressman Weiner has somehow become certified as a pulmonologist.

Back to the USSR (Oops, ER)

2011-09-01T21:14:00.000-04:00

Well a week later I found that I missed the friendly atmosphere of our local hospital ER and George and I decided, well, actually, I decided that I needed to go back. A wonderfully itchy rash had spread on my chest, my arms and on my back. I had gone to get some meds for it at an urgent care clinic but it was moving toward my neck and ears and that was spooking me. So we went back to see if I had picked some nasty Jeanne-killing virus, or if it was just an allergy reaction. Unfortunately we got there at a busy time.

No one I saw looked smiling. And their hair looked like crap. Mine included.

A rash that looked like mine 'cept mine was better.

The room was packed with people in various states of distress. One man carried one of those barf condoms I talked about in my last blog. We stayed away from him. Two babies and a teen ager came in with horrible coughs. The boy got masked up right away. We stayed away from him too.

We arrived at 8:30 pm and I was called into Triage to see if I had a life threating condition that would make me die in the waiting room. I tried to think of something. "Any pain? No, just extreme itching."
"Are you having trouble breathing?" Only when I start to panic. Does that count?"

I thought I saw some concern in her face and reported to George. "I'm a shoe-in. They don't want me to freak out here in front of all these suffering souls. I got out my cell phone and played Angry Birds. Eventually the angry birds were run down by dead batteries and the angry birds just tweeted to the ground.

At 11:30 PM we are still waiting. There were several pathetic looking people wrapped in blankets. But there were people coming out the exits, 2 broken arms, 1 broken leg, stitches above the eye. The room was emptying and we were still there.

George tried to be positive. "It's almost empty." He said.
"Yeah its empty, " I said. "they're all in there!" I pointed to the innermost sanctum of the Er.

For 2 more hours we endured the hyena-like laughing of the three people sitting next to us. Evidently they felt the whole world was funny, and they guffawed throughout all of the Late Show, which I was at least trying to watch.

At last we are in. We get a doctor that does not have the most awe-inspiring appearance but seems nice. He looks like a kid, for God's sake. Anyway he says there are 2 kinds of rashes, kinds that kill you and kinds that annoy you. He THINKS I Don't have the kind that kills people. Yay!

You know what is funny/ WE are there 6 hours, he tells me to stay on the same meds I am already on and to see how the rash does. The next day it starts to get better. SO I figure it was a bargain. Where else can you go on a Tuesday night for 6 hours, (with a 100.00 co-payment) watch TV and relax. The people watching alone was a show. ANd the rash started to improve the next morning. (We threatened it with the ER though.

I admit it was nice that they remembered me there. It might have been that incident when the nurse came in and I was bending over to pick up something, butt totally exposed in my untied gown which was practically falling off. It wasn't a pretty picture.

The Jeanne Kraus Wing

What a Relief!

2011-08-24T18:09:00.001-04:00

Well, I have not been up to my usual blogging this week. A trip to the hospital interfered with my writing process. Abdominal pains once again convinced me that I must have appendicitis so off we went to the E.R. It turned out, several tests, many blood-lettings and one colonoscopy later that they determined that my colon, like the rest of me, is 61 years old. Yes, it is aging. I have a pre-condition to diverticulitis, which means I have to observe my diet. No more nightly popcorn, or seeds, or nuts. I know that some of you have not had the experience of a colonoscopy so I decided I would enlighten you, my reading audience, on my experiences, complete with authentic pictures.
First of all, the nurse, smiling, brought me
this lovely jar of "Golytely" and informed
me that I would be drinking all of it. It
tastes like nuclear seawater with nothing
at all pleasant about it. I managed to sip
it through the night. Some of it accidentally
fell in the toilet.


This is called Golytely. It's an oxymoron.


The very same toilet.

I know you are wondering...why on earth did she take a picture of the toilet? Well, I can honestly say that I developed a very close personal connection with this very toilet. As a matter of fact, I wondered if my rear end had round marks imprinted into it when I went into the procedure room for my colonoscopy, causing fits of laughter among the doctors and nurses.

So that was the procedure. Adding to the mix was the monitor I had to wear at all times. It hung from cords which were attached to my chest. The monitor was annoying. If you wanted to sleep on your side, you had to flip the monitor to the opposite side. If you let it drop, you worried about what your heart rate was saying about you at the command center. It itched. Here is the monitor, unattached.

My monitor

Additional equipment in case of emergency.

I was glad to say goodby to that sucker. My other equipment consisted of a porta potty. I vowed that only a true emergency would facilitate the use of the porta potty. When I left, it was as pristine as the day I arrived. Even I have my limits.

Barf Condom, Tricky Hospital Gown, Monitor Patches, and Menu

I did come home from the hospital with some souvenirs. Of course, the obligatory welcome kit that I don't use, came home with me. After all, my insurance probably paid big bucks for that plastic bin, comb, bar of soap, lotion and baby powder. I also took the box of tissues. Other souvenirs included one hospital gown (just so I can finally figure out how to effectively close it), some patches that were hooked up to me and a new improved barfing convenience from the ER. Remember the kidney shaped pans they used to give you? No longer. Now they give you something that looks like a giant condom. It was so cool I just had to have it. Oh, and the menu of my last meal there.

Marketing to Senior Citizens

2011-08-14T14:11:00.001-04:00

According to my AARP magazine, employees simulate being older. They place hard little pebbles or kernels in their shoes to see what it’s like to walk with aches and pains. They plug up their ears to simulate hearing loss. Nice touch. But they’ve got a long way to go.

Guess what? Baby boomers and senior citizens are an important target group in the marketing world. As a Baby Boomer, I am considered as a widespread (no pun intended) part of most marketing strategies.

Well-known companies are now requiring employees to doctor themselves up to feel like old people. If they can experience life from the point of view of the elderly or almost-elderly consumer, this insight will create much more old person friendly products and services.

Car manufacturers produce aging suits for workers to wear to stuff themselves into compact cars as paunchy senior citizens. These stuffed employees are also asked to read road maps with vision impairing glasses. Again, a nice start.

To me, these attempts just graze the surface of sensitivity. Yes, employees can use canes and wheelchairs at work, and so on but there are other issues I would like to see addressed…

How about some Urination-Triggers so that men/women are urinating at a frequency of about 10 times their normal rate? And switches that causes them to pee when they laugh, cough and sneeze?

How about practicing passing excessive gas? Experiment with trying to hold the gas in, and then blasting it out as loudly as you can. Practice looking unconcerned and uninvolved as gas emissions erupt.

Simulate bald spots, sagging breasts, and expanded midsections. All of these factors influence what you buy and why you buy it. For example, sagging breasts cause women, or men, to tire easily when shopping. Products need to be placed in conspicuous, easy to reach areas.

It’s easy enough to simulate the feeling of sagging breasts. Attach a couple of rice-filled feedbags at the neck. Allowing them to droop to the waist could garner the everyday sensation of sagging breasts. Think of how this could affect choices in clothing or underwear.

Wear a doughnut shaped life preserver around the waist to experience the difficulties caused by an expanded midsection. Problems with zippers, and getting into restaurant booths will be made much more obvious to the employees.

It’s great that they are attempting to think like seniors, but I feel that these companies have a lot more work to do. These were nice tries but why didn’t they just hire a senior citizen to tell them what they want to know?

I am almost a senior citizen. I would have been glad to grunt my way into the back of a car seat and be extricated with the Jaws of Life. I am perfect for that part.

And who needs vision impairing glasses? I already have impaired vision.

It’s a crazy world we live in, manufacturing fake senior citizens. Think about it. Just go outside and wave down one of those oversize non-economy cars driven by a senior citizen who is shorter than the height of the dashboard.

It seems that now we have people trying to look younger all the time and people who are trying to see what it is like to be older. If everyone goes back to being their own age, we will be much better off.

Try to Remember

2011-08-10T10:11:00.000-04:00

     I used to love that song, Try to remember the kind of September
when...well, of course, I can't remember the rest of the lyrics. But it seems to be MY song, or rather, George's and my song.

     I used to think that between us we had one workable brain. Now I think we're coming up a bit short, maybe a mini-brain. Yesterday, we couldn't remember if the cleaning lady was coming over or the man who mows our lawn. We decided the cleaning lady would be coming and elected to move our writers' group out to the back porch. The rains came and the wind whipped us up into a frenzy. We retreated indoors where we got a call from the lawn man saying that because of the rain, he would come the next day.

     But my favorite thing I did this week has to do with my new iPhone. Technology is not my thing but I have been pretty successful with it. And I love it! I bought a rubbery-feeling cover for it which fits over it like a tight skin (unlike mine which is wrinkly) but I came to a problem when I had to recharge the phone. I couldn't find the place to stick the cord in.
     It turns out the case covers it up which annoyed the heck out of me. So for the first couple of times I was taking the whole cover off to recharge and putting it back on when done. Then lo and behold I detected that you could recharge it without taking the cover off, just by lifting a little flap. A big flap about a little flap. That's my life.

Tamarac Tsunami

2011-08-06T18:00:00.001-04:00

If it is not one thing to worry about it's another. As of late, natural disasters have been plentiful, causing me to take pause and wonder if we need to rethink our excessive lifestyles, or rather, if you guys need to rethink YOUR extravagant lifestyles. Mine hardly qualifies. But any way, here in south Florida we had a tornado touch down last week not far from here and Tropical Storm Emily is causing us some wind and needed rainshowers.
But today I learned that Florida is in line for yet another tide of misfortune, one they have titled the "Silver Tsunami." The numbers of aging senior citizens developing Alzheimer's is rising. It is a little scary to think that today's retirees will be walking around and mumbling in a wave of other older Floridians in just a few years. And it made me worry about myself.

My future?

Fortunately, I have prepared my boys for such an eventuality. I have started forgetting things on a regular basis. I say the same things over and over again. It's all in the training. But it is a scary outlook for us almost-to-be-retired. Seems that the numbers have risen because we are living longer and healthier. Again more of my case against exercise and eating healthy.
But I am still full of surprises. Today I did something that totally surprised me. I went to turn in my cell phone for an upgrade and ended up with an I-Phone.
Never thought it would happen. The low-tech person with an I-Phone. That will show my son Jeff, who told me my phone was "poo."

Poo Phone

New Phone

What's Up?

2011-08-02T17:52:00.001-04:00

     Now in the past, Casey Anthony, Congressman Wiener, Tiger Woods days... seems like life is humming along smoothly. All quiet? Not really. Here, at the Kraus household, it has been a busy time. My youngest, Cory and his wife, Ashlee have now moved to Louisville, Kentucky.

   They completed the journey in a day and a few more hours, with two cars and three freaked-out kitties. Haven't heard from them since, except for "We're home." That was enough for me. It was a busy week, helping them, taking them out to eat, hosting a big dinner for family, and writing a special song for the happy couple to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies, about Cory and Ashlee.

   But that isn't nearly as interesting as a little article I found in "This Is True" by Randy Cassingham. I am going to paraphrase what the article said....

    A 30 year old man from Boulder, Co was found hiding in the waste pit of a porta-potty at a yoga festival at a local high school. He claimed to be starting a new "goddess religion." Evidently this religion involved him peeping at women from under the porta potty seat. He did explain that the origin of his interest was to be able to look at women in intimate detail, that he realistically would never have a chance with. He had opportunities to develop his religious beliefs, as he hid and waited in waste. The details about his new religion were rather sketchy but all in all it reminded me of the saying that "In every cloud there is a silver lining." Although in his case, it seemed to be "Gold can be found in shit." Hmm. Wonder why he felt he never had a chance with most women. Of course if you look at his mug shot below, it seems as though he has not gotten a chance to wash his hair. Euuew!

Possible Re-Enactment

And here he is with his famous potty.

Who Am I, Really?

2011-07-22T02:08:00.001-04:00

     I am having this spell of uncontrolled insomnia. I am up most of the night till about 5:00 AM and then I finally pass out into a deep sleep till about 9:30 AM. It is very annoying. However, I have found a whole new world of TV.
   Did you know that you can watch a "Get A Better Bra" infomercial at almost any time of the night? Approximately 10 of my channels are in Spanish, another 5-6 are wrestling, there's usually a couple "Praise the Lord" shows, and of course reruns. Law and Order, House, Bones, Seinfeld, Friends and Everyone Loves Raymond are topping the numbers of times shown. Then there are a number of informercials, which in my weakened sleep-deprived state, look very interesting to me.
   There are some things I can do while not sleeping. I play Scrabble and other word games online. I play Family Feud, a really annoying game but hey...I'm awake. I catch up on Facebook and emails. That's why you get messages from me at all hours.
     I have a new philosophy of life based on these experiences.
1. Sleep is highly under-rated. If you can sleep, enjoy it.
2. The best channel to watch in the wee hours is one that has just the Test Pattern showing. It keeps you from getting too involved in the plot.
3. Men (husbands) are especially annoying when you can't sleep. Obviously, nothing stays on their brains at night. Mine falls asleep instantly and thoroughly as I toss and turn.

Even my dog is sleeping.

And my cats.

Want to Know What I'm Doing?

2011-07-16T12:57:00.000-04:00

The Modern Age of Technology is truly amazing. My Facebook friends and family members can let me know at any given time where they are. The first time this happened my older son Jeff was driving down from Orlando to visit. He connected me up to a tracker so that I could see where he was the whole trip. It worked really well. When the car showed that it was at our street, there he was, outside the door. But it meant that I spent much more time than necessary seeing where he was every few minutes on the computer.

Now everyone lets you know on Facebook where they are. They must all think their schedules are terribly interesting.

12:36 ________ checked into Home Depot.
1:00 ________ went to Dairy Queen
2:00 ________ went to Water Wonderland
9:00 ________ is at the mall.

What I am finding out that is interesting is that (1). My kids eat out a lot more than I do. Bummer. (2). Most people are leading more interesting lives than I am. Another Bummer. (3). Many people go on vacation in the summer. I know what airports they are at, who they are with, and where they are going.

My vacation consists of the area around Tamarac, Fl. So I am going to post my goings on also. Just to be part of the crowd. I don't have an I-phone so will have to post them by hand. Here is a sample.
10:00 Head to bathroom to pee.
10:30 Take dog outside to pee.
10:45 Look for cat who is missing.
10:55 Pee again.
11:00 Computer time
11:30 Look for cat again. Still missing. She might be under the bed but it is too much effort for me to get down there and back up again.
12:00 Read Facebook to see where everybody else is going.
12:45 Empty dishwasher and contemplate organizing office
1:00 Play Scrabble on computer. Think about exercise.

Had enough of my day?

No Impact Workout Video Session Three

2011-07-15T19:37:00.000-04:00

Do you have what it takes? What's the size of your equipment? Make sure to view my third video for my No Impact Workout Program.

Leaving My Impact on the World

2011-07-12T01:37:00.000-04:00

     Sometimes I wonder about myself. What causes us to go above and beyond other normal human beings to create things that will leave our lasting imprint on the scores of humanity who will come after us and scratch their heads at the term "Baby Boomers?"

   Will they be searching, as archeologists do, in ancient mounds in the year 3000 to sift through chicken wing bones and dirty laundry and totally non-degradable computers to find blogs about all sorts of topics from toilets to peeing to lack of exercise and blatherings of all sorts of you-had-to-be-there topics?

   Or will the ramblings of ancient Baby Boomers be scoffed at as earwax in the ears of a turbulent society that no longer exists, other than in songs and writings. As I work on creating my No Impact Videos for Exercise, I wonder, who but Jeanne Kraus would waste her time in such a way?

     Then I watched several other YouTUbe videos and mine started to look polished and, um, even planned out. By the way, I just read about a woman in Texas who gave birth to a 16 pound child. I guess if I am going to leave the world some startling inheritance, I am glad that it is smaller than a breadbox, especially if it is going through my birth canal! Ouch.

Here it is....No Impact Workout Video Session Two

2011-07-09T20:31:00.001-04:00

Well here it is. The second in the series of earth-shattering videos on the changing theories about exercise. Please feel free to share it with your friends. Hope you have a laugh or two.

No Impact Workout Video Session Two

2011-07-06T19:36:00.001-04:00

Help! I exercised and I can't get up!

Skilled Workout Warrior


She looks mad! That could	be me.

How Inviting!

     Just wanted to mention that my second YouTube video should be out VERY SOON. Well, not in 10 minutes but hopefully by Friday it should be, as they say in movie world, "in the can."

     Or maybe I'll be in the can. If you've read my book, you know all about that. Making a video is not as easy as people make it look. I can spend a couple of days on one 2 minute clip. Even the folks at Videos For Dummies would be appalled.

   I'm sure that the Exercise World wonders just what Jeanne Kraus could have to say in order to justify not only 1, but perhaps a string of related videos. I wonder too. We'll see.

Not Jeanne Kraus

Mmm. Could Be!

Querying With Attitude

2011-07-04T18:25:00.001-04:00

     So you are afraid to send out the results of all your hard work? It happens, but eventually it has to get out there. Being that mine is a humor book, I took a humorous approach to querying. See what you think.

Dear Publisher/Agent/Person Who Makes Things Happen:

     Know up front that I'm not making your already hectic and cram-packed day worse. In fact, I plan on making life less complicated, more exciting, a breath of fresh air.

   To assist you in locating the great American woman's humor book, I present to you Wrinkles, Waistlines, and Wet Pants. I have thoroughly researched your company. This is no hasty eeny-meeny-miny-mo decision. I'm absolutely sure you'd be the best venue for a soon-to-be-hilariously successful book.

     I'm certain your slush piles are 95% totally inappropriate; genres your company doesn't handle, such as poetry or Christian writing. Perhaps the writing is amateurish, poorly done, with no regard to grammar or proper English language. Certain submissions with foul language have curled your toes and arched your back.

     You're so over the Harry Potter wannabees and the thousands of romance boilerplate novels cranked out on a daily basis. You know you're not going to be able to read all of this crap on company time because your day is a relay race from one meeting to another, interspersed with urgent and not-so-urgent phone calls.

     At the end of the work day, you slide the top two inches of your latest slush pile into your briefcase and vow to read whenever you have a few minutes of down time, in between traffic jams, stopping for groceries and gasoline, picking up the dry cleaning, and helping the kids with homework.

     Lo and behold! A few unexpected minutes are awarded to you. You pull out the first few envelopes. The one with the bright red envelope releases a shower of confetti on you as you tear open the envelope.You'll be finding those sparkly decorations for the next five months. You're a little pissed that you fell for the red envelope trick again.

     The second envelope contains a form letter, obviously sent to many other houses, although the author claims it to be an exclusive submission. The blank after Dear ______________ has been filled in, unfortunately not with the your name but the name of a different publisher. In addition, the author neglected to sign the letter. Another Oops!

     You're on a mission, a miner searching for a gem. So far, only rocks and cubic zirconia have showed themselves. None of the real stuff. Of course, the musical card that played the song "Do I Make You Proud?" by Taylor Hicks was a nice touch but come on! Who does this stuff? You want good writing, not a frickin' musical card!

     You're now wishing you had saved that bottle of wine you received from that hopeful would-be author last week. You might need a couple glasses of wine to plow through these.

     But then...the last one of the night makes you forget how tired you are, and that you have some paperwork to do before the morning. You read. And read some more. Your heart beats faster, a giggle escapes and your think to yourself. This is what I was looking for!

   It begins...
      Wrinkles, elastic waistbands and peeing have taken over my life. The day of my 50th birthday was the biggest wake-up call ever. It was finally time to take a critical look at myself to determine what the hell had happened. My body had matured, but Mother Nature had cruelly switched over to the express track. The speed with which I had aged had accelerated to an unbelievable momentum.

     There is no turning back. Once I overtook that half-century marker, my body developed an iron will of its own, exacting revenge for all of the rampant abuse I had heaped upon it during my earlier years. Simple coughs and sneezes now may require changes in underwear. Gravity is the victor in the ongoing tug-of-war between my top and my bottom. My body weight has been forced to migrate from my northern hemisphere south to my equator. One fateful day, I viewed myself in the mirror and realized that I had morphed into a human Tinker-Toy.
   The illustrations make you laugh out loud. You want to read more about Tinker Toy Woman.
     I can help you with that.

     For more information contact me at your earliest convenience.
   Sincerely,

Jeanne Kraus

Finally My No Impact Exercise Video is Here!

2011-06-30T19:15:00.001-04:00

Well I finally finished it. The video took less time than the techno-process to get it all together. Hope you enjoy the first session of No Impact Workout for Baby Boomers.

Lots of Women, Not Much Men

2011-06-29T14:05:00.001-04:00

Today I had my yearly visit to the gynecologist. "Oh, no!" you are thinking. "Do I really want to read this blog? Do I really want to know Jeanne Kraus's thoughts on her gyno visit?"

I can reassure you on one point. All of the thoughts contained herein are my pre-stirrup thoughts. In other words, my blog is based on my waiting room observations. So please feel free to continue to read.


This is not me. I never wear my socks.

I love people-watching. Of course, the gender ratio in a gyno office is rather off. At any given time, there could be up to 12 women in the office, but at the most, 2 men. Husbands came with the pregnant women and were ushered in with them. One threesome appeared to be a father, his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend.


Who Reads Signs?

I have other statistics for you. Despite a "No Cell Phones" sign, there were 4 cell phones in use. There was one I-Pad and one Kindle. Three women were reading novels, and 2 women were filling out forms on clipboards. George was writing and I was observing. The only people in the room who watched the TV were the men as they came through, avoiding eye contact with any of the women present.

One lady, probably in her 20s, kept going to the EXIT, stepping outside for a second and coming back in. I was curious as to what she was doing. At first I thought she was waiting for a ride, and checking to see if it had come. Then I wondered if she was passing gas, and being courteous to the other people in the room. After she had gone out about 5-6 times, she frantically ran to the receptionist and asked to use the bathroom. Yup, must have been gas, I decided. While she was in there, a car pulled up and honked.

Jeanne, Good Samaritan and Ready Helper, was in a quandary. Do I go out and ask the driver to wait and she will be right out? That she is in the bathroom probably from a bout of diarrhea? Or do I go to the bathroom and knock on the door and tell her to get her butt moving, because her ride is there?
Meanwhile, I am feeling guilt that I am taking too long to decide and she is going to miss her ride and it will be all my fault.

I Remember These Days

   Finally, she comes out of the bathroom, with a paper towel pressed to her nose and lips. OMG! She had morning sickness. The girl was in the early stages of pregnancy.

     All this time, the nurses had been calling women in. The last name called was "Cobra," a most unusual first name for sure. The variety of women was apparent. There were 3-4 obviously in the pregnancy stages. Several women were my age, probably wishing that once the usefulness of the uterus was no longer needed, we could dispense with the annual pap exam.

     Finally, the name I was waiting for. "Jeanne" and it was time for me to enter Papland once more. It would be one more year before I would have this experience again. Good thing I got it on paper.

Only in America -Random Acts of Bizarreness

2011-06-26T17:19:00.000-04:00

For years now, it seems that citizens of other countries find the behavior of American citizens to be somewhat amusing. As a bonafide American, I decided to research this fact. It is stunningly true. There is a lot of wacky stuff going on in the U.S. In many cases, we look like a bunch of buffoons. It's not just Congressman Weiner.

What about the man experiencing difficulty breathing for years? He had been a smoker and it was predicted he might have cancer. The doctors suspected a tumor. A big surprise when they checked out his lungs more closely. A split pea had lodged in his lung and opened up and had grown a little plant. It was causing him to cough frequently.

“God has quite a sense of humor!” said his wife, Nancy Sveden.

Indeed.

Most of the fools regularly appear in YouTube episodes and bigger fools, such as me, watch them. Now and again you can capture an amazing little tidbit that you wondered how you missed. I was looking through videos of wedding proposals in highly public places. This particularly gut-wrenching episode was at some kind of professional basketball game. The action in the game was temporarily halted as a young suitor had his time in the big lights. Big lights, indeed. TV cameras and commentators covered the event.

A young guy in a suit, heart on sleeve dropped to one knee. He held the hand of his intended.

“Jodie, we have had a wonderful 2 years together. I love you and would like to ask you to be my wife.” He pulls out the traditional little black box.

But something’s terribly wrong. His almost-betrothed is staring in shock. She backs away.

“No!” she wails as she runs back through the crowd. The camera follows her hasty exit from the floor, tears rolling down her face.

Back to the would-be groom. Not only has his relationship dissolved, it has done so on a televised screen seen in most homes of the free world.

The commentators continue talking.

Number 1: Well that’s it for him. Poor guy. What a letdown. Bet he’ll never feel like a man again.

Number 2: Well he put it out there. I am thinking sometimes it’s just a gamble to be so public.

Number 1: I wouldn’t have done that and I’ve been married 30 years.

Number 2: Oh, look, the mascot is cheering him up.

The crestfallen dishrag of a man is led off the court by a giant duck who puts his wings around the poor guy to shield him from the limelight.

Speaking of weddings, I heard an interesting story on a YouTube video broadcast. It seems as though diapers are not only for the very young and the very old, brides are purchasing them. If they wear a wedding diaper all day, it is said, they do not have to worry about going to the bathroom and managing the train and all. They can just go in their diaper.

Now, isn’t that a pleasant thought? A delicate young woman with a diaper on. A loaded diaper yet. Just when would the odor give her away? Perhaps a wedding thermos needs to be provided for each bride. (Reference to Wrinkles, Waistlines and Wet Pants)

Better yet, provide them for the Mother of the Bride.

I watched an incredible video at a McDonalds where a woman in Ohio went crazy at a drive-through window when she was told that there were no chicken McNuggets served at 6:30 AM. She punched in the window and tried to push her way in, all her antics being caught on camera. What is in those McNuggets? Better get me some of them.

Then how about the Jet Blue attendant who had a temper tantrum on board? When I was young, the stewardesses were young, trim and female. Their wide smiles could be featured on a toothpaste ad. Their hair was perfect, every strand in place, and their manners impeccable.

Fast forward to 2011. We now have men stewards. Some of the stewardesses are a lot older than they used to be. The wide smiles have tended to disappear; replaced with frown lines and stress wrinkles. They deal with passenger rage, annoyed consumers that remember the gratuitous airline meals, such as they were, and the excellent service. Well, this particular attendant, a young man, was hit in the head with a suitcase that a customer had stored overhead, despite his repeated warnings to ask him to take it down. Evidently the passenger made a nasty comment to the attendant with some bad words in it. The attendant went to the intercom, proceeded to publicly berate the passenger with more bad words, grabbed a couple of beers and slid down the emergency chute in a fantastic super-hero departure departure.

He has, of course, become somewhat of a folk hero among the masses. I wouldn’t be surprised if a song were dedicated to him, something along the lines of “Take This Job and Shove It!”

From the Kids...

2011-06-25T17:53:00.000-04:00

Last spring, I interviewed a number of children on some fairly important questions. The children were from the ages of 9-13 and were chosen randomly. They had some interesting insight. I thought you might enjoy hearing what they have to say on some chosen topics. Some of their answers really made me think.

What do I wish my parents knew/understood about me?

I wish my parents knew I need a playmate.
I wish my parents knew the hard stuff I have to learn in school that they never had to learn.
I wish they knew that I will not always get A's and that B's are not bad.
I wish my parents knew that I have feelings too.
I wish my parents knew that I don't like soccer that much any more.
I wish my parents knew I have a kid's brain, not theirs.
I wish they would listen to what I have to say.

I wish my parents knew that I don't always need help.
I wish my parents knew that asthma can be really bad to my health.
I wish they knew I do not like the chili they make.

What should my teacher(s) know about me?

I am very talkative and very noisy.
My teachers should know that I take very good care of my brother and am very responsible.
She should know I do not like calligraphy.
I am smarter than she thinks.
I am sensitive.
My teachers should know that I'm doing my best.
My teacher should know I love her.
I want to do better in school-- So Bad!
I work hard at everything I do.
I am irresponsible.

Who is the biggest person in my life? Why?

My mom because she always helps me and cares for me.
The biggest people in my life are my parents and God because I love them.
My dad because he raised me.
My grandpa because he is a Vietnam veteran.
My dad because everything I need help on, my dad is there.
The biggest person in my life is my dad because he's the only one working so we could keep our house.

Spring Cleaning, Freecycling, and Underpants

2011-06-21T18:51:00.000-04:00

Today was a pretty adventurous day in the life of George and Jeanne. First of all, we did some practice takes on my new YouTube video, No Impact Workouts, which should be done soon once I quit screwing up on the dialogue.

After a few takes on Training Session Number 1 with helpful comments from my cameraman such as, "You are going to have to be funnier." and "You need to eliminate most of the words." and "OK I admit you need the words but your head is moving too much. Hold your head still."

Spring Cleaning Time

Crap Galore!

Then an amazing thing happened. We both got in the mood to do some spring cleaning. We cleaned out a couple closets and cabinets, stacking excess stuff on our kitchen counter to free-cycle. While I was on the computer to put in an e-mail about all of our Bargain Crap, I found another free-cycle bargain.

A woman not too far from here, in Coral Springs, was giving away clean underpants for little boys.

Free Underpants!

Yes, I know you are wondering what on earth I would do with a bag of tightie-whities for little boys. My little boys are 34 and almost 30 and these would just about fit on their hands. But I do work in an elementary school and we have pee-accidents almost every day and need replacements for all the underpants we give out. So we are in search of the underpants lady. I have a little trouble putting the address into my Tom-Tom GPS, and have to do it several times.

Warning: Put the Tom-Tom on the window!

I love my Tom-Tom. But today something is different. Oh, the route is showing but the voice is not speaking. We keep driving, however, obedient Baby Boomers that we are, until we find the Coral Springs City Limits sign. We have driven several miles and have not yet heard the voice and have not turned off the first main road. My first thought is that someone is trying to get rid of us and programmed our GPS to keep us driving till we reach Wisconsin.

      We pulled off the road and both stared intently at the GPS. I decide to turn it off and on again and reprogram our address. What do you know? It worked. We had gone about 5 miles out of our way to get some boys' underpants. But I figured out the problem.

   I was holding the GPS on my lap, instead of putting it up on the window. I've heard that you should always have it on the window. So it can get the signal. Evidently the only signal it was getting was from the crotch of Jeanne Kraus and that wasn't leading anywhere.

     In case you are wondering we finally picked up the underpants, which are probably way too tiny for most of the kids at my school.

Now that we are home, I need to figure out what to do with all this stuff I cleaned out!

TV Commercial -No Wait for Weight Loss

2011-06-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

It is pretty scary to listen to TV commercials that advertise medications. Evidently, every company, in order to preserve their corporate asses, has to mention every side effect of their medication known to man. If you listen to the commercials, you would never take anything again. The dialogue with the dire warnings goes on despite smiling happy people who are leading better lives because of this medication. Take a listen to the words which drum by in a steady beat, lulling you into an unconscious state so that you are not aware of the dire warnings they are preaching. For example, for a product I will name NoWait, you might hear the following warnings.

   NoWait is a safe medication you can take to help control excessive weight gain.

   NoWait should never be taken by women who are pregnant or nursing. Men and women under 65 should not take NoWait unless they have a copy of their will notarized and on file. Men and women with a first name starting with a consonant should avoid taking NoWait.

     NoWait should not be taken before bed or after waking. Be sure that you take it with 16 ounces of pure spring water and avoid dairy products for the next 5 hours. NoWait has been shown to be safe for use on baby piglets and squirrels but may be hazardous to pets and other wild creatures.

Take NoWait just as the doctor prescribes. Do not change the dosage time and for Pete's sake, don't take more than the prescribed amount. Eat a half a loaf of whole wheat bread before taking NoWait and the rest of the loaf afterward.

Always take water with NoWait. At no time should you substitute juice, soda, tea, coffee or other beverages, especially alcoholic beverages.

Excessive growth of hair is a possible side effect.

While considered to be a safe and effective means of weight loss, there are some possibly unpleasant side effects. These may include hair loss, hair growth, sleepiness or sleeplessness. Orange or purple urine has been noted, and excessive weight loss can be accompanies by excessive weight gain in extremities. In rare instances, death, coma or brain injury may occur.

Add caption

Ask your doctor about NoWait! It may be just what you need to get that edge on weight loss!

It May be a Mini But it Maxes Out Our Garage!

2011-06-17T17:47:00.000-04:00

If you have been following my blog you know that we bought a Mini-Cooper a couple of months back. Our desire was, for the first time ever, to be able to put our car in the garage. That meant we could buy a Mini-Cooper, a Smart Car, or a bicycle built for two.

George drives Minnie carefully in. There is about an inch of space on each side for "Wiggle Room."

We opted for the Mini, which has been a favorite of ours but only a skilled driver can drive Minnie into the garage and back her out. That would be George. Observe...

There is one little cleared area for George to get out.


Even so, it's a tight fit.

I have never been one to care about putting the car in the garage. Somehow Minnie seems different.

What's New in the News?

2011-06-15T20:28:00.001-04:00

Le Wiener

Hot Diggety Dog!

More pictures have surfaced of Congressman Weiner, this time on the treadmill at the Capitol naked, filming himself for posterity (sorry, accidental pun). In my humble opinion, Weiner is a wiener and they need to kick his naked butt from here to Timbuctoo. People have been very vocal on the situation, mostly, I suspect, because they like to call him a Weiner. Picketers on both sides of the issue have lined Washington D.C. government buildings bearing signs such as "Weiner needs to be "mustered" out of our government.", "Weiners are bad for our health!", and "We love the Weiner. Leave his buns alone!"

Gas Prices Are Out of Control!

Is Hugh Through?

It's a nice change from terrorists, the war and the economy. In addition, I noted Hugh Hefner is having his own problems. Seems as if his future bride sandbagged their upcoming nuptials. Hurray for her I say. She must have gotten a look at his wiener. (Sorry, I couldn't help it).

Blessings to the Fig Leaf.

Something seems missing!

Last but not least I see in the international news that there is an increased interest in nude hiking in some of the European countries. Germany has a number of clothing optional trails, which are clearly marked so as not to discourage or freak out tourists. From some of the nude hikers that were pictured, and who obviously had indulged in a bit too much beer and "wienerschnitzel," the nude aspect of the hiking was not that appealing.

And that's the news.

Arnaldo Returns

2011-06-11T12:30:00.000-04:00

He's coming again?

Being that it is Saturday, it is time for Arnaldo! Usually, I get this panicky realization that once again the week has passed and I have done little in the way of exercise.

By the time I get my motivation moving, he's here again and I have done very little. And he's been reading my blog.

Oops! Caught in the Non-Act!

So he read about the day where I was supposed to walk after he left and I didn't.

Today was pretty pathetic. He wondered where my set of 5 pound weights were that we had used previously. Darned if we could not find them. We were all over the place looking for them. Then he wanted me to find my gloves.

Missing in Action

Oops! Wrong Gloves!

"Are they in a place that you could get them now?" he wanted to know.

"Well, how long are you staying?" I asked. So now in addition to my workout assignments I have to find the rest of my "equipment." However, I got a bonus point because I had purchased a foam roll that he had asked me to get. However, I forgot I had it and when George was helping us look for the weights he found it. Score 1 for Jeanne. Sort of.

Buff Jeanne

This week will result in a new and improved Jeanne with an Attitude for Exercise. I'm going to get myself buff!

Balloon Man

But don't worry! I am not going to go crazy like Balloon Man!

Trampoline Update

2011-06-10T18:43:00.000-04:00

     All's quiet on the Trampoline Front.
"How can that be?" you ask. Let me tell you.
    Yesterday, when the family came home and the little boy who owns the trampoline came outside, there was a line of kids waiting outside the fence. It looked like a returns line at Wal-Mart the day after Christmas. This time, Daddy came out and informed the neighborhood kids that there would be no trampoline jumping. Since then...an eerie calm hangs over the yard.
   I have no life. I should be exercising.

I feel like Gladys Kravitz on Bewitched!

Updates on My Life

2011-06-08T19:54:00.000-04:00

Teachers are worn out about now.

For those of you who avidly read my daily blogs, all 6 of you, I thought you might like an update on what is going on. First of all, the last day of school (half day) for the kids is tomorrow. Teachers are walking around like tired zombies, but they all have these grins on their faces. They are ready for a well-deserved vacation.

For those of you who read about the trampoline that was erected in the yard behind us. Here is the update. Within 5 minutes of the first jump on the trampoline, every kid in the neighborhood had found out about it. Yes, it is certainly a kid magnet. As a matter of fact, there are so many kids jumping on it that I am wondering when the first injury will occur and rules will be enforced about how many kids at a time. I see kids lying in wait for the family to come home. I am not sure this trampoline is going to last very long. But it is entertaining watching.

And for those of you following my workout progress, well I have some great leaps to report. On my last blog I mentioned that I bought a workout mat and a ball blower-upper thingy. I was quite pleased with myself and emailed Arnaldo that I had purchased EXERCISE EQUIPMENT. He was very happy about that, and came over today to see the new EQUIPMENT. He was extremely disappointed that it consisted of a mat and an inflater. He actually expected bigger stuff.

   He was also disappointed in the quality of my workouts. In 4 days, I have done no more than about 15 minutes of exercise despite the exercise list he taped to my wall at eye level where I could not miss it. So we had another one of our conversations of despair.

   Arnaldo: What can I do to get you to work out? What am I not doing as a trainer?

   Me: You're a great trainer. I just suck as a human being. Remember that two other trainers have given up on me before you. I promise to try harder.

   Arnaldo paces up and down. "You promise. You promise. Then you never exercise."

   Real guilt was kicking me in the butt. "I will do better this week. You wait and see."

Before Arnaldo left, he told me to take one more walk before quitting for the day. I said "OK!", took off my shoes and relaxed. I'm a tough case.

Ahh. I like the After-Training Session Best!

Onward Toward Working Out

2011-06-06T18:31:00.000-04:00

Well, if you checked my blog a few days ago, you might remember that I had experienced a renewed determination to become healthier and more fit. That was about 10 days ago, I think. Well, I am moving now, no longer at the pace of a sloth, but of a Jeanne Kraus.

After my trainer, Arnaldo, chastised me for not working out during the whole 6 months he was gone, I felt really bad. The bad feeling did not translate into any kind of working out experience during that week. Except George and I walked around the block once.

Huff Puff!

     So there I was last Saturday thinking, "OK, Arnaldo is coming over again and I still haven't done squat. What shall I do?"

     My first thought was that I would lie to him and tell him I did work out. He'd never know, and it would make him so happy. But no, I didn't. He could tell that the exercise ball still needed more air, the equipment was dusty, he wasn't born yesterday.

     So I confessed to him that, while I was moving closer to exercise, I had not quite achieved Nirvana yet. I had not broken out in a sweat.

Arnaldo was sad.

This week will be different. Right after a disappointed, disillusioned Arnaldo left me on Saturday, we went to "Sports R US", not a place I had previously frequented, and decided to buy some Exercise Stuff. First was a mat since I needed a comfortable place to put my body on. Then we got a ball inflater thingy.

These are squats. They leave ball marks on your wall.

This is not me.

Well, I unfolded the mat yesterday and we inflated the ball. I actually did some squats (technical term for knee-threatening very difficult actions) with the ball. Then I put it away. Now that I am home tonight I am thinking of trying something else but I don't want to burn out. That's why I'm blogging instead.

Oh, my abs! My aching abs!

My Window Over the Years

2011-06-03T18:35:00.000-04:00

We bought our house about 9 years ago. The neighborhood was about 25 years old with nice sized lawns and lots of green everywhere. Our lawn is over-sized, a corner lot and we loved the openness of it all. For about 5 years we were very happy. We could go out on our back porch and watch the birds and enjoy the breezes.

OK so this was not our real backyard. But I can pretend.

Black links replaced greenery.

Times have changed. Our neighbor behind us moved and sold his house. We really did not know them well and do not know the new neighbors either. They are nice enough people. The first thing they did that made us a little sad was to put up a chain link fence.

The view was no longer really pretty and green but we still had the breeze. They started filling up their back yard with attractive porch furniture and a gazebo. Then a wooden swing set for their young son. In 4 years, we saw the outside BBQ and porch/gazebo used maybe once or twice. Now they have removed the swing set, the gazebo must have blown away in a strong wind. The unused porch furniture remains. They have added a dog to the backyard. He started out as a puppy in the house and once the fence went up, much to his dismay, he became more of an outdoor dog. I now spend my time looking out the window and wishing they would let him in when he wants in. He looks so lonely.

Well, he may not be lonely for long. Today they are installing a quite large trampoline. It is close enough to the fence, that we may get to see some entertainment on a daily basis. They are installing a big net around it to discourage people from hurtling into our yard like jet-propelled missiles. All of this just before the start of hurricane season. It could be an interesting summer.

Curious Random Thoughts While Traveling

2011-05-29T18:22:00.002-04:00

I feel like I need to share some random thoughts with you all. They are not things that I necessarily share with my husband.

I would probably just get the "Hmm!" grunt. One by one, they are not so interesting but maybe all together. You be the judge.

My first thought is about the people along the highway who are holding signs up to get you to come to a certain business. Some of them are dressed in hilarious outfits, the Statue of Liberty comes to mind, and fruit costumes. Their job is to stand there and wave the sign around to get your attention. It looks hot and tiring. But it is a job, and in these days, I see more of them than I ever did.

A Banana? Really?

She's Still Smiling!

Then I wonder about the people who are always on the street corners with their Help the Homeless T-shirts, passing out a newspaper to anyone who gives a donation. Today, for some reason, I felt the need to donate, after so many years of not donating. Unfortunately, by the time I felt this need and started scrabbling through my bottomless purse, George had started up the car again and the person was left behind in our dust. That bothered me.

I can never find what I need in my purse.

There are a lot of people out there with signs for needing work, needing money. A co-worker told me that she kept bottles of water in the car, along with packets of peanuts, trail mix, etc. She says her offerings were refused one time because the person wanted money.

Is this pre-road rage?

Today as we were driving and I was thinking about all these things, a car came up on our right side and the driver gave us the finger. Two little harmless people minding their own business and we got the finger. The younger George would have given him the finger back and caught up with him but the current George slowed down and stayed well away from the offending car. We were afraid he might road rage us. And we didn't want our new car, Minnie, to get caught in the crossfire.

Don't Be a Sloth!

2011-05-28T09:43:00.053-04:00

Slothful Behavior? Click here to see what shamed me into exercise....

Once I heard that several people had named the sloth "Jeanne Kraus", I knew it was my time to get across the road, so to speak. Despite the fact that I have a full time teaching job and I write part time, I was not being all that I could be. Despite the fact that I tutor children and attend night meetings for parent training at school and writing trainings for me, I was holding back on Jeanne Kraus.

My trainer, Arnaldo, got through the layers of Jeanne self-neglect in one visit. It was brutal. He had just returned from training in the National Guard for several months and now he thinks he is the boss of me. Our conversation was telling....

This is what other trainees look like.

     Arnaldo: How often did you do the exercises I left you with?

     Me: (shame-facedly) None.

     Arnaldo: (not quite believing) You did not exercise once?

     Me: No. I meant to.

     I tried to blame it on the fact that I could not exercise without him there but he wasn't buying it. Then came the embarrassing part. He wanted me to pull out my exercise equipment. We couldn't find it. George, in his zest to clean out the garage for the new car, had buried my unused exercise equipment. It took 3 of us to find it, and then Arnaldo had to clean all the dust and dirt off it with a towel before we could start.

     Once we exercised and he wrote down everything I should do during the week he quizzed me on my eating habits. Also embarrassing.

   "Do you still go to Weight Watchers?" he asked, being careful not to look at my protruding stomach.

   "No, we quit," I said.
   "Are you going to a nutritionist?" he wanted to know. I thought longingly of the JuJyfruits stashed in my office.
      "No, we're just winging it." That prompted him to sit down with a paper and pencil.

   He wanted to know what I eat all during the day. He wasn't happy with my answer for "What do you eat for breakfast?" - leftovers, but he especially did not like my snack choice - animal cookies.

Note that they contain calcium. I had considered them as being healthy.

He was very happy to know we had protein powder; less happy when I told him I had not used it for 6 months.

With my renewed determination, I will definitely work on taking better care of myself. I promised Arnaldo. But first I have to finish off these JuJyfruits.

Renewed Determination

2011-05-23T16:35:00.000-04:00

Le Flamingo

Always have an Equipment Stand nearby!

This is what trainers make you do when they need a laugh.

My best side!

Not my best side!

I'm not sure why but I seem to have some renewed determination that has come bubbling to the surface as of late. It has to do with eating more healthy and maybe even, gulp, exercising. Now, mind you I have not started acting on this renewed determination yet, but I am planning a future exercise event. Perhaps it was the close call of the world almost ending on Saturday. Perhaps it was when I was looking through old photos and realized that I used to have a flat, not fat, stomach.

My trainer is back from his time in the National Guard so it seems like a good time to get some butt-kicking done. To do this, I brought out my exercise photos that he took of me last year to encourage me to exercise. It did not encourage anything except snide laughter when I put the pictures on FB. Just in case you need a pep talk, here they are...the prequel to my exercise program and some informative YouTube videos that I will be creating to help Baby Boomers everywhere.

Crouching Tiger Position: Note Bulging Biceps


This sucker is heavy!

Talking Trash

2011-05-20T18:40:00.000-04:00

There are so many oddities in my life. That's why I blog. To share these stories with others. Today I am thinking about Free-Cycling. If you have not heard about Free-Cycling, check it out. I think most communities have an online group devoted to the adage that "Your trash is someone else's treasure."

I first got into free-cycling when I was looking for material for costumes for the Drama Club for school. I got some really nice boxes of donations for school that way. The idea is that you can post things you no longer want and give them to someone else. "Great idea!" I first thought. "I'll just take everything in George's office and put it in garbage bags and the first sucker who comes for it gets it. No returns."

Well, it was a great idea but there was a set of rules included in Free-Cycling. You are not supposed to offer Crap as a wonderful item. True crap is supposed to be put in the trash. Doggone. There went my dreams of cleaned-out closets, the office and garage. And under the bed, whatever lurked there would have to stay there.

I could clean out all my closets and shelves!

Crap Not Wanted

Only Half Used!

But it did seem as though Crap is truly in the eyes of the beholder. I have seen some ads that, to me, are not in the true spirit of the Free-Cycle network. For example a partially used tube of Vagisil is not anything I would ever want even for free but somebody did.

Insert Breast For Best Results!

Breast pumps are also a big (no pun intended) item and I am not sure I want something that was attached to someone else's boob.

Wanted: One Winning Lottery Ticket!

You can also request certain items. Some of them are definitely the pie-in-the-sky requests such as a new computer, guitar, workout equipment, and free ticket to concerts. Hah.

Urgent! Perfume Needed ASAP! Claustrophobic...

Anyway the one I saw was for perfume. This lady was looking for some perfume, some very specific perfume. It seems she had run out of it and it is the only perfume she uses. She does not have enough money to buy new perfume and just can't go out of the house without it.

My advice to her: Stay in the house.

One More Minnie Story Somewhat True

2011-05-14T18:55:00.000-04:00

I’m sad to say that the world has vandals in it. I'm positive that somewhere there is a nasty baseball bat-wielding psycho who is just waiting for an opportunity to go out and beat Minnie to a mini-pulp. Maybe slash her tires, give her a few good whacks in her private areas, and break her cute little sunroof. Or maybe kidnap her altogether. These thoughts have inhabited my head since we brought Minnie home. The first night, I dreamed about a hoodlum with a bowling ball who attacked a row of minis lined up side by side. It wasn’t pretty.

Normal Chaos

We decided to accomplish the impossible. Clean out the garage. This has never before been done in my family, park a car in an actual garage. The garage is our Crap Receptacle. Everything that we don’t know what to do with goes out in the garage. And when I say goes out, I mean goes out, sometimes hurled out into the nether regions of the garage from the kitchen door.

Periodically, George and I clear a path and straighten up, organize the crap but it seems that in little more than a few days, it looks like a dump again. Oh, there might be a nice trail running through it, but as far as a car, Naaa!

Organized Chaos

This makes the garage rather unsightly. It also means nothing bigger than a breadstick could fit into it with regularity. It seemed that our Minnie was doomed to be left out in the elements.

Me: "George it is pretty small. Let's see if we can get it in the front door. "

George: "Minnie will not fit in the front door." However, being that I am spacially challenged, he kindly showed me that indeed, Minnie was wider than our front door. Besides, she does not bend in the middle to go around the corner to get in the front. So that was out.

Me: "OK let's put it on the back porch. It won't be totally inside but it will have a roof over it. We can just cut a bigger hole in the screen."

This time, George just ignored me. He started hauling stuff out of the garage and seeing how he could arrange it to fit a Minnie in it. By the time I got home from work the next day, he showed me proudly what he had accomplished. It looked small but a driver such as George, with me in front guiding him, could park Minnie in the garage. Just in time. Tornado watch and lots of rain approaching. So today was the day.

I go to the front of the garage and motion him to pull in. He pulls in but ignores my frantic signals to stop because he is flattening a trash can. We now have an oval trash can. Well, it turns out that the reason he stopped is because he has to get to exactly a certain part with a little side area cleared out so he can exit the car. Otherwise he will have to emerge through the sunroof.


There are better ways to get out of a car.

So tonight Minnie is as snug as a bug in a rug. Tomorrow we will practice backing her out.

Minnie Stories

2011-05-09T17:45:00.000-04:00

     Now that we own a Mini-Cooper, George is just thrilled with it. (Me too) We can't even go to the local grocery store without me hearing endless tales about its transponder (no key) and its push button start. The temperature control thingy has him all excited and the floormats that are lined with a glow in the dark cording, well, don't get me started.

   But today was pretty humorous. The gas mileage is shown above the steering wheel. I was getting minute by minute reports of the gas mileage all the way to work.

   "We're getting 31.5 mpg."
     One minute later. "Oh, now it's 33 mpg." George's voice was rising higher than normal.

   Another minute or so. "Augh! It's 34.5." I was afraid George would burst a blood vessel, or worse, wet his pants on the new car seats with the new car smell. Fortunately, by that time, we had reached my school and I was able to exit the car and move into a more sedate environment, an elementary school with 1100 kids. (lol)

   Sure enough, Minnie was there to pick me up at the end of the day. George was studying the owner's manual yet again. "I have something funny to tell you," he said.

   I was ready and primed for funny.

   "When I was looking at the miles per gallon this morning, it was not what was showing. It was the trip odometer. No wonder it was rising so fast!"

A George and Jeanne story for the ages. Happens when you get older.

Car Hunting

2011-05-08T16:20:00.000-04:00

     A while ago I mentioned on my blog that we had given up our leased car and were determined to live on one car, George's Toyota pick-up truck, almost as old as he is. The darn truck was a wonderful thing. It carted much furniture, bargains from flea markets and and household items more than I care to think about. And we lived with it for another 8 months or so, before finally deciding that we needed a new car.

   We didn't have too many requirements. It had to be economical on gas, within our price range, have a back seat for when we take my mother-in-law out, and had to be cute.

   We had looked endlessly at cars driving by, commenting on each one. "That one's cute!" I would say as one whizzed by us. "Um!" George would comment, leaving me to wonder if it was a positive or a negative grunt. We eliminated electric cars because of the expense.

   There were only 2 cars that made it to the "Cute" Category. One was a SMART car, which we had gotten familiar with in Illinois. My sister and her husband have a cute little red and black one George had driven. But...no back seat. Still, the SMART car lingered on in our hearts. Could we attach a little side car for George's mom? Or get 2 of them and hitch them together for trips to restaurants, etc.

   The other "Cute" car was the Mini Cooper which we had been looking at for ages. More and more of them were showing up on the streets and we each took turns pointing them out as we passed them. "Look, George, a mini!" We did not think they were within our price range though. We decided to look at them but were preparing ourselves for eventual disappointment.

   The day before Mother's Day, we had some unexpected free time and decided to start the car shopping process. We would go to 1 or 2 places and look at some of the economical cars they had to offer. Perhaps Honda and Hundai to begin with. But fate intervened. As we were driving down the road, we passed Mini after Mini. Someone or something was pushing us in the direction of the Mini-Cooper showroom.
      "George, we are getting a sign here. Go to the Mini-Cooper dealer. We need to be there today."

     I didn't have to argue with George. He too had recognized the power of the Mini. We started looking at the models, noting that they were indeed higher priced than the other cars that we were considering. I felt deflated. But we looked anyway. We were careful to tell our salesman that this was our first stop and we had not made a decision on the make of the car. He did not seem worried by that information.

     We looked at several really CUTE cars and then we found an ivory colored one that had 3500 miles on it, since it was a test driving model. There was a substantial discount on this car and we decided to test drive it. George drove it. He really liked it. So did I. If only it was a different color, but I was not going to let that bother me. We are not fond of white/off-white cars. We like bold colors. Our last car was pumpkin orange. You could see that sucker in a parking lot a mile away! That was a car.

     I asked our salesman if there were any others with mileage on them. He had one more. He led us all the way to the front of the lot and there was a Mini, a rusty pumpkin color. It was our car! Less miles on it, 1700, it still got the same discount.

Meet Minnie

Minnie's Face always looks happy. We're smiling too.

George does not rave about things...ever... but he LOVES this car. It has a lot of things on it we don't know how to work so he is researching the book. As for me, I wait for him to show me how to do it. His biggest excitement so far? Driving around town he was getting 31.5 mpg. At the price of gas, that is pretty cool.

On the Radio - Marketing

2011-05-07T06:46:00.001-04:00


For Children: Homework and Study Skills

Baby Boomer Humor

For Children: All About ADHD

Since I have been promoting my books, I have done a number of radio interviews for my third book, "Wrinkles, Waistlines and Wet Pants." The first interview can be a little nerve-wracking, causing severe moments of self-doubt...

   1. What if I freeze up and don't say anthing at all? (not likely)
   2. What if I talk too much and take over the interview, drowning out the host? (more likely)
   3. What if we both keep talking at the same time and can't get the timing right? (pretty likely)
   4. What if I accidentally use a bad word on live radio? (quite likely)
     5. What if I screw up somehow on this end and the technology phone call does not work. What if all they get is fizz on the radio? (pretty likely)

   So you can see that in order for me to do a radio interview, I had to put aside a lot of self-doubt. And I am so glad I did. Radio interviews are really fun, just conversations where you and your books are the main subject of conversation.

     Some of the interviews have been more refined such as the ones I do for Anita Finley of Boomer Times in Florida. Anita is a positive and wonderful person who is really active. It is like meeting an old friend for lunch when I talk to her.

     Then there was my interview with Bulldog and the Dude, which had a totally different ambience to it. We spent most of the interview time talking about peeing and how to do it in public places.

     And then of course, I loved being interviewed on Magic 102.7, my favorite classic rock station that I listen to everyday. It was great talking to the very people that I listen to in my car in the morning on the way to work.

     Radio interviews have one other definite plus. You can be in your jammies, your hair sticking out all over, don't have to get dressed up for these interviews. You're not judged by how you look or act. On the radio, for all they know, I could be anyone. Wow. Cool!

Jeanne Kraus, Extraordinary Author

Jeanne Kraus, Superlative Interviews

Jeanne Kraus, Hot Writer

Ode To a Terrorist

2011-05-02T19:06:00.002-04:00

Osama Bin Laden is dead, finally

many years hiding; a terror refugee

How does it feel to brainwash

young men

teaching them killing

again and again.

To make them believe

they should all want to die

in commandeered planes

hurtling down from the sky.

His money, his plans, his network of terror

his evil, his hate led to one fatal error.

Now it's your turn, Osama, 'tis true

Death's door has finally beckoned to you.

You've hidden from capture for so many years,

caused so much anger and sadness and tears.

Easier done when you sent boys to die-

Now we've silenced your last battle cry.

Were you brave, were you steady and ready to go?

Did you do yourself proud? Did you put on a show?

I think when you knew it was over for you

You weren't quite as brave as the rest of your crew.

One less terrorist for the world to fear;

a person who made himself known loud and clear

with mocking disdain and ego and greed

now faces Allah

Our hearts won't bleed.

A-Z Zounds!

2011-04-30T07:10:00.000-04:00

Zeppelin 1

Zeppelin 2

Zero, Zilch

Zit Zoom!

Zeus Zig-Zag Zap

Zipper Zone

Zebra Zing

Zonked Zombies

Zingy Zither

Zany Zoobaby

And on that last Zoobaby Grin we will close out the A-Z. Thanks for all your comments and thanks for looking. Back to my normal Zany life of writing.

A-Z Why Not?

2011-04-29T17:24:00.001-04:00

I miss the simple fun of yesterday. When cartoons were really cartoons and games involved playing outside. For "Y" enjoy a little blast from the past.

YouTube Yolks

A-Z Xtra Xciting

2011-04-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

eXquisite Xylophone eXit

eXcruciating eXtradition

eXclusion eXample

eXtra eXpensive

eXercise eXcuses

X-rated Xmas

eXtraterrestrial eXamination

eXtensions eXcitement

eXtravagant eXaggerations

eXtracurricular eXpenses

eXercise eXemption

Well, X Marks the Spot. Of course I have used a little artistic license here and given you the "X" sound, not necessarily just the "X" itself. Extra work but well worth it!

eXpressway eXit

A-Z Challenge... What?

2011-04-26T21:04:00.000-04:00

Wading Waistdeep in Water

Wacky Wand-Waving Wizard

Watchdog Warning

Water Wars

Webbed, Winged, Wading

Winter Wonderland

Wild Wind Warning!

Wimpy Weakling Working out

Waikiki Water and Waves

World Wide Web Wesources (lol)

Woodpecker Wreckage

Weird Women 1

Weird Women 2

Watching Waiting Wondering Woman

Wing Awound the Wosie

Writer's Wishes

Wanton Wardrobe

Writer's Wealth

Woebegone Wicked Witch

What a Wealth of W Words for my Writing Worries! Now, X Comes to Mind....

A-Z Challenge Very Very

2011-04-25T21:16:00.000-04:00

Vigorous Victory of Viagra! Viva, Virility!

Venice Vision

Vertical Vitamins

Ventriloquist Vampire

Vertical Verminator Vacuum

Vulture Voyeur

Vintage Vinyl

Violet Violin

Vanilla Vapors for Vehicles

Volcanic Vomit through Vents

Vegetable Variety

Vulgar Vibrating Volume

Very Viral Video

Wow! On to W! What a Wonderful Wevelation. Almost Done!

A-Z Challenge Utterly Unreal

2011-04-24T17:53:00.001-04:00

Unusual Unicyclist

Uncovering UFOs

Udderly Unreal

Upper-crust Upheaval

Ubiquitous and Unhealthy

United Underwear

Undeniably Ugly

Ultra Unique Underwear (ubba ubba)

Unexpected and Unpopular

Uncomfortablly Unclothed

Unnerving Upside-down


Unappetizing, Unfortunate, Underdone

Uniformed in Unison

Unusual Urinal Urn

Unfortunate Updo! Ugh!

Urinary Urgency

Uncomfortable Under Upholstery

Ulterior and Underfoot

Untrue Utterances

Unstable, Unsteady but Up!

"U" won't believe what I have in store for U tomorrow! But it Vill be Very Interesting!

A-Z Tantalizing Tidbits for T

2011-04-23T01:56:00.000-04:00

Terminated Terminator

Tricky Tough Terrain

Torpedo Trouble

Tintinnabulation

Terrifying Threatening Tornado

Turtle Topiary

T-Rex Topiary

Teeny Tiny Trendy Telephones

Two Typewriter Tattoos

Troubling Times in Transylvania Territory

Ten Tiny Tender Toes

Trampoline Tricks

Tantalized by Tasty Tidbit in Toilet

Triangle Tingle

Tilted Trailer Truck in Traffic

Trolling for Toys

Tattered Tendrils of Traveling Tumbleweed

Treasure Trove

Well, that's it for Today! Tomorrow Tune in for Understated U.